-
Parking Excuse of the Day: We were held hostage by Skegness Carnival
As excuses for overstaying in a car park go, being held hostage by a passing parade is right up there. And just look at the fury. I know people who would be quite happy to be held hostage by Skegness Carnival for a while, but they are deviants and perverts and should be in prison.…
-
When sporting mascots go bad
I’ve got a thing for badly behaved sporting mascots and I don’t care who knows about it. And naturally, if you want to see mascots that have really lost what little decorum they have left, you need to go to Australia. There you’ll find the Central Coast Mariners, whose sponsor-provided mascot is a bottle of…
-
From the archives: House fire started by squirrel disrupts funeral
You know how life goes. One thing leads to another and all of a sudden you’re on a personal crusade to kill all the squirrels in the world. We’ve all been there, so do not mock this man whose story seems to be doing the rounds four years after it first came to light in…
-
Poor, dead Princess Diana commemorated in cake form
It’s been twenty years since poor, dead Princess Diana died, and people are still commemorating her through the medium of tat. Love her or not, her death was a needless tragedy, and that has moved people to mark the occasion in some sort of meaningful way. Cake, for example. Leighton Buzzard Observer: Lady Di in cake…
-
Sweet shop owner says his haunted sweet shop isn’t haunted, but these toilets in Wales definitely are
Something is lurking among the Sherbet Lemons in Nigel Parrott’s sweet shop in Great Yarmouth. BUT IS IT A GHOST? No. No, it is not. It is just Nigel, who is annoyed that everybody seems to think that his establishment is the most haunted sweet shop in the faded seaside glamour that could – quite…
-
The Romans in Britain come up against a new enemy: Council bin regulations
Julius Caesar was a tactical genius who swept his armies across Europe scoring victory after victory. But then he never had to ask “Which night is bins?” And now the Roman garrison on the Celtic border with Wales – The XIVth Hipster Legion – has run up against a highly organised foe which it fears…
-
Mysterious nasty smell around Burnley has people reaching for the clothes pegs
When people ask “What’s that nasty smell around Burnley?” the more uncharitable among us would reply “That’s Burnley, what of it?” I would be one of those people. But look! They had a nasty smell around Burnley this week which was not the undeniable yet intoxicating odour of Brut 33 aftershave mixed with Jeyes Fluid,…
-
A new twist to parking rip-offs: Fined for the time BEFORE you bought a ticket
Car park operators are devious bastards. Park your car for one nano-second longer than what you’ve paid for – BLAMMO – there’s a bill for £100 on your doormat before you even get home from the shops. Now – it appears – they’ve found a new tactic and it stretches the very laws of space…
-
We need to talk about the scourge of town criers in local newspapers
After Brexit, the only way you will be able to get news will be through the medium of an old man with a bell, so you’d better get used to it. It’s an opportunity being grasped tightly by the gnarled old hands of the town crier community, who – it has to be said –…
-
It’s five years since a man in Aberdeen got his head stuck in a bin
Doesn’t time fly when you’re having fun? In our case, five years farting about on the internet has truly rushed by, which is why we are – today – celebrating this important anniversary. BBC North East Scotland: Man freed after getting his head stuck in a bin in Aberdeen Having fallen head first into a public…