Julius Caesar was a tactical genius who swept his armies across Europe scoring victory after victory. But then he never had to ask “Which night is bins?”
And now the Roman garrison on the Celtic border with Wales – The XIVth Hipster Legion – has run up against a highly organised foe which it fears could be it’s eventual undoing.
We are – of course – speaking about local council environmental policy with regard to the storage of and access to commercial waste.
The Chronicle says: “The owner worries ‘horrendous smells’ will drive tourists away from the museum which currently attracts more than 100,000 visitors a year, including many school parties, and employs 15 staff.”
A council document states: “The intention is to reinstate the boundary wall to this service yard as part of wider public realm improvements and use this space for commercial waste storage, to support businesses operating within Bridge Street.”
Yeah, that’s what they say.
But it’s not outside the realms of fantasy that dozens of pencil-necked desk jockeys armed with clipboards and an inflexible attitude could hide in those bins, wait until the XIVth Hipster Legion are all asleep, leap out and murder them in their beds.
A classic Trojan Horse manoeuvre used by pencil-necked desk jockeys dozens of times down the centuries.
In the end, no-one hopes that ROMANES EUNT DOMUS.
Oh, wait. That’s ROMANI ITE DOMUM.
Now don’t do it again.