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We bought a twelve pack of Pot Noodles at the car boot, and they’re all out of date, and the council aren’t doing a thing about it

In which Noel Gallagher and Meg Matthews are absolutely FUMMIN at the state of the world today.

Never give up, never surrender!

Another week, another metric shedload (or 1.2 imperial shedloads) of people being furious. But this time, we’ve got a genuinely happy ending. Unless you’re German, then es tut mir lied.

Back in the jug agane

____________________ We made a silly and tasteless joke on Facebook, we we got sent to Facebook Jail, and – frankly – we deserved it. So, here’s the best stories from the last few days plus a couple from the archives to tide you over. And Spotter’s Badge if you know where the title of today’s […]

Wanna feel old? This is what the Lighthouse Family looks like today

Southern Daily Echo: Rocked up to your university graduation ceremony cosplaying as a character from Star Wars? HOME YOU GO! Of all the HOME YOU GO stories we’ve ever had on Angry People In Local Newspapers, this is by some distance the most justified. For a start he bunked off his shift drying trays in […]

‘Harold Chipman’

We hope you’ve cooled down after this week’s heatwave. Unfortunately, and we might as well get this over and done with up front, there’s been an outbreak of bad heatwave poetry on Facebook. Avert your eyes if you are of a nervous or literary disposition, this one it genuinely painful. If there is one thing […]

You had me at ’14-inch banana’ (not sexy slang), and also the greatest letter to the editor of all time (also not sexy slang)

Let’s hit the ground running. There is FAR TOO MUCH innuendo in the news today, and people need to know if what they’re reading constitutes sexy slang or not. The rules are complex, and it requires an expert panel to decide what counts as sexy slang in the confusing world in which we live. For […]

When vicars go bad, and the least newsworthy news story in the world, and frankly we’re not exaggerating

As the silly season cranks up yet further, let’s get this one from Canada out of the way first. Hamilton Spectator: Dildos up a tree for some reason I’d rather not go into Luckily for everyone, it’s behind a paywall and now we’ll never know how things escalated to this particular level of pettiness. We […]

Public Service Announcement: Please do not put frozen potatoes up your arse

Are we all clear on the frozen potatoes thing? Good. At the very least, we recommend that they are baked to what government health warnings call “piping hot”. The trouble being is that there are warnings about everything because there is always that one person. That one person who is the reason why they have […]

The power of the magic asparagus compels thee!

We have solved a genuine mystery. And the mystery is “Where have I seen this guy before?” So far so compo, but I never forget an angry face, and was convinced I’ve seem him elsewhere. And so it proved. Manchester Evening Post: Asda shopper left FUMMIN over size of his mince pies Christmas was – […]

The Actual Mark of the Beast and Actual Aliens

Huddersfield Examiner: Cul-de-Sac residents complain that their bins haven’t been emptied in two weeks The story aside (don’t leave your cars so the bin lorry can’t get up your street), I am obsessed with this gentleman’s shiny pair of shorts. Are they made of cut-down bin bags? __________________ Teesside Live: Man who runs a fan […]