Scaryduck: On the futility of NFTs

Nothing loses its value faster than an NFT. 

You might be aware of The Guardian’s Headline of the Year-worthy story “Man who paid $2.9m for NFT of Jack Dorsey’s first tweet set to lose almost $2.9m”, as a prime example of this. 

Anything that is offered as an “investment opportunity” with no actual evidence linked to reality can only end one way. And that’s why we’re sitting here eating tons of popcorn, watching and laughing.

In fact, it is an illustration of the duality of NFTs, in that they are worth both whatever both parties in the transaction believes it to be worth, and also nothing. But ultimately, nothing. 

It is, if you’re interested in the study of the history of human stupidity, just another example of human stupidity perpetrated by grown adults who ought to know better. 

They are another South Sea Bubble, another Tulip Mania, another priceless Beanie Baby collection, and another stack of ultra-rare collectors’ cards in a limited edition strictly numbered to however many they can sell. 

The only other things I can think of that exhibit the same behaviour are pianos.

Also stairlifts and exercise machines.

As anybody who has tried to sell a piano that is not brand new and finely-tuned from the production line will tell you, it’s virtually impossible even to give away. 

A grand piano which cost £20,000 on a Monday, will, by Monday tea-time be worth precisely nothing on the resale market. In fact, you’ll probably have to pay £500 for a bunch of piano-movers to take away and abandon in the ticket hall of a mainline railway station, to the annoyance of any sane individual who just wants to get to work without being forced to listen to (for example) Grieg’s Piano Concerto by Grieg by someone without the natural born talent of Eric Morecambe. 

If only the same fate await unwanted drum kits.

Somebody’s compensating for something, eh readers?

So, back to NFTs, and given the choice between burning away your money on a picture of a monkey or a cosplaying Donald Trump, or a piano, get the piano. At least you can keep easily-pleased members of society amused with your ham-fisted attempts to demonstrate your skills in a public place (a practice, equivalent to masturbation, which – it should be noted – should only be attempted in public by the supremely skilled). 

Or you can just set fire to your money, it’s cheaper than gas at the moment, right kids?