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That time a woman thought a pervy ghost was stealing her underwear
Alas, this story from the happy-go-lucky year of 2014 no longer exists on the pages of the Hull Daily Mail, so we’re just doing to have to take the Daily Mirror’s word for this. And the Express. And the Daily Mail. And the Daily Star. Be that as it may, this is a mystery that…
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RSPCA called to deal with dead horse but it’s RIP BATH U R 4EVA IN R HARTS
I think we can all agree that fly-tippers are scum. Especially when they dump their rubbish in a field and disguise it as a dead horse so they can make good their getaway from the council officers who are without doubt hot on their heels, and not signing on at the local Job Centre Plus…
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Drivers pile on as private parking contractor at hospital sends out incorrect fines
Three angry people for the price of one in this story, as yet another private parking contractor working for the NHS sends out fines like they’re …err… really fine. But they’re not fine (See what I did there?) as drivers pile on through the pages of their local newspaper against the pencil-necked desk-jockeys who refuse…
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Velociraptors found decapitated at museum, suspects on the run
What kind of sick bastard cuts the heads off dinosaurs? There are few enough of them about as it is without lunatics coming along and taking an angle grinder to their necks. Just look at these poor bastards. SBS Australia: Vandals chop the heads off three velociraptors at the National Dinosuar Museum Luckily, the authorities are…
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Mysterious trolley circle appears in Australia and it’s aliens
If aliens are indeed trying to contact us, surely they’d leave a more obvious sign than abducting strange people and putting probes up their bottoms? At last, they have. Behold, the Great Armidale Central Shopping Centre Car Park Trolley Circle in Australia. Mudgee Guardian: Aliens leave a sign that they want two-for-one bargains and a quality store…
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Man complains about poor compensation offer through the medium of shoddy signage
We love a shoddy sign. All that anger, all that fury, all spilling out onto the board, and damn the spelling. This guy is angry at Wales. Shropshire Star: Resident furious at compensation offer as new bypass set to flatten his house He’s got UKIP’s Neil Hamilton on the case. You know, Neil Hamilton. And while…
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Woman steals ‘reborn doll’ from shop and there’s a whole world of creepy toys out there
Creepy lifelike dolls are now a thing. Some people want them because they are preferable to a real baby, others [sadly] because of tragic reasons. But they’re a) creepy and b) expensive and people steal them. Clydebank Post: Shop appeals for the return of its creepy life-like reborn doll through the medium of a passive-aggressive…
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The Fat Controller is livid about kiddiewinks playing on the railway line
Kids! Stay off the railway lines, or you might find yourself KILLED TO DEATH. Also, don’t follow this guy’s career path, because nobody ever looks good in a mustard-coloured waistcoat. Dundee Evening Telegraph: Kiddiewinks as young as 12 years old caught playing on the railway lines What’s worse is the while they’re scraping bits of shattered kiddiewink…
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‘Pharma bro’ Martin Shkreli convicted of fraud and now we need to have a serious talk about courtroom sketches
You’re familiar with pharma bro Martin Shkreli, right? He’s the guy whose pharmacy comapny bought up the rights to a drug for AIDS patients and increased the price by 5.000%. And now he’s convicted fraudster pharma bro Martin Shkreli. BBC News: LOLOLOLOLOLOL But the reason we’re here isn’t about his conviction (but just rejoice at that…
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New Order to curb street drinking, and other pop acts enforcing the law
New Order to curb street drinking. And Echo and the Bunnymen to crack down on people pissing in shop doorways. And Gary Numan’s Down in the Park stopping kids painting their graffiti all over the cricket pavilion. But sometimes even New Order get on the wrong side of the law. It’s that Peter Hook going…