RSPCA called to deal with dead horse but it’s RIP BATH U R 4EVA IN R HARTS

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I think we can all agree that fly-tippers are scum.

Especially when they dump their rubbish in a field and disguise it as a dead horse so they can make good their getaway from the council officers who are without doubt hot on their heels, and not signing on at the local Job Centre Plus because they all lost their jobs in the latest round of local government cuts.

(Little bit of politics there, my name’s Ben Elton, good night)

Bradford Telegraph and Argus: Dead horse turns out to be a dead bath

We are duty bound – at this point – to say the following:

RIP BATH U R IN HEVEN WITH DA ANGLES ND PRINCESS DI WHO IS IN THE NUDD GETTING HER BAKC SCRUBED BY JADE GOODIE

and

SLEEP TIHGT LITTL SOLIDER xxx

And you – dear reader – are compelled to reply thussly:

U OK HUN xx INBOX ME.

Good.

And as we never tire of telling you, it’s not the first time that this has happened. For starters, there’s that time police in Hampshire blew a five-figure sum sending their helicopter to find the Hedge End Tiger.

Southern Daily Echo: Man who sparked the Great Hedge End Tiger Panic of 2011 owns up

“Kevin Blunden had no idea of the chaos it would cause.

“Armed officers and a helicopter swooped on a field – convinced that a live tiger was on the loose in the Hampshire countryside.

“The nearby golf course was evacuated, a game at the Rose Bowl cricke ground was temporarily abandoned and emergency services put in place plans to close part of the M27 in case the ‘beast’ spotted near Charles Watts Way, Hedge End, wandered on to the motorway.”

This was the greatest case of mistaken identity ever to hit Hampshire. We are insanely proud.

NEVA 4GET.

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