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So many lorry drivers are pooing in public at a Kent retail park they had to put up special signs
Here’s a fact: When your dog fixes you that steely gimlet stare when he’s having a crap on the living room carpet, he’s not thinking “What are you going to do about this, bud?”. he’s actually expecting you to look out for predators while he’s in a vulnerable condition. When a lorry driver fixes you that…
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So many questions as local councillor keeps supermarket trolleys in what appears to be his garden
My dirty little secret is that my first job was for a local supermarket as the trolley boy. It meant spending my evenings after college tramping around a piss-stenching multi-storey car park in Reading collecting the things and bringing them back to the store. Most of them ended up stolen, but my sisyphean task was made…
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Source of the Sittingbourne Stench is revealed, but it’s OK they’re going to build houses on top of it
It’s a given that any story featuring an angry person holding their nose is a shoe-in to be featured on this site. And here is a man from Sittingbourne in Kent who is a) holding his nose and b) looking at the camera in a slightly self-conscious manner because he feels a little bit of…
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Frustrated Norfolk residents make their own slightly sweary diversion sign
Road users! Here’s a message for you from the people of Horsford in Norfolk: Stop driving like dicks and follow the diversion. And here, we’ve made a sign for you in simple language you may be able to understand. Eastern Daily Press: Villagers have had enough of drivers ignoring official diversion and road closed signs, make…
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Weird local mascots and why they need a good hard kick up the arse
Dammit, I love Japanese mascots, and we should have more of them over here. Yes, we have football mascots, and as an Arsenal supporter, I am painfully aware that Gunnersaurus is a thing in this world. Yet somehow, the vast majority of British football mascots somehow manage to miss the whole point of mascotism, and…
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Woman complains about hot dog packet’s “jumbo” claims
Look, this one’s going to be filled with loads of penis jokes. Just so you know. But since the dawn of time, men have lied about the size of their meat, a fact that has just caught up with the editorial staff of the Swindon Advertiser. Swindon Advertiser: Woman resigned to a life of disappointment after…
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Police chase stolen road roller for half an hour around Bolton, manage not to arrest anybody
As regular readers will be aware, we’re all about minimums standard for things around here. Houses not built on old Indian burial grounds Shower gel that doesn’t set your genitals on fire And now police officers capable of a successful nick and prosecution from a 4mph chase that lasted for half an hour The Bolton…
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Customer turns up at shop in his dressing gown to protest over faulty bathroom suite
A classic from the year 2014, and it might surprise you to learn that it is not about pantomime dames. At least, we don’t think it’s about pantomime dames. Swindon Advertiser: Disgruntled customer rolls up to the Swindon branch of Wickes in his bath robe and boxer shorts to complain about lack of action on his faulty shower…
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Carrot-based sexual activities close public toilets in Leicestershire
To Leicestershire, where local officials have slammed the doors shut on the local public toilets after the discovery that they are the centre of some sort of sordid vegetable sex ring. While getting your five a day should be an important part of your diet, the local council in Sileby, near Loughborough don’t think that…
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FUMMIN couple’s new build home comes with a drive that’s too narrow for a standard-sized car
When you buy a new home, you except it to be built with a few minimum standards. Doors that fit. Roof doesn’t leak. Not built on an old, cursed, Indian burial ground. And now there’s… Birmingham Mail: Couple find their new home comes with a drive that’s too narrow for their Ford Fiesta The culprits here are…