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Rotherham man claims he could have been blinded by flying ice cream, if he had been facing the other way and it had hit him in the eye with the sharp end
Rotherham. Home of The Chuckle Brothers, so we’re pretty sure they’d be used to a bit of slapstick comedy by now. But when this couple got into a bit of a row with an ice cream man about the price of their 99s, the “to me, to you” ended up with the police getting involved,…
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The Libyan Army plays God Save The Queen for Boris Johnson and it is pure gold (by which we mean completely awful)
Boris Johnson is in Libya, where he’s telling local warlords to stop thinking about personal ambition and to work for the good of the country. Yeah, that Boris Johnson who drove around in a bus with a big fat porky about £350 million on the side before the EU referendum. So the Libyan Army honoured…
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People have forgotten how to use bins and now they’re all getting maggots
“Do you want ants? Because this is how we get ants” says Sterling Archer, the world’s greatest animated secret agent. And it’s the same in Britain these days, only with maggots, because – somehow – people have forgotten how to use their bins and are looking for someone to blame for the ensuing stench and…
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Angry Dogs in Local Newspapers
You read that right, we’re going to anthropomorphise it, because dogs don’t actually know how to pose angrily. But look at these miserable sods. Barnsley Chronicle: Owner of dementia dogs (not pictured) FUMMIN because animals weren’t allowed into town hall event because of health and safety gone mad, on acid Animals are not allowed into Barnsley…
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Hong Kong Bluey: Chinese Ron arrested at border with 276 pornographic DVDs he found in the rubbish
We are indebted this morning to the South China Morning Post, Hong Kong’s newspaper of record, for the news that a gentleman was arrested trying to cross the border into China with a rucksack full of low quality grumble DVDs. It’s not immediately clear which direction he was travelling, but the discs are now in…
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Oh New Zealand, you had me at “Playground Poo War”
It’s no longer kicking off in New Zealand where local school kids have won their battle to stop members of the public from crapping in their school playground. Wait… what?! “Children petitioned the Central Otago District Council in 2016 to help fund a toilet to stop members of the public doing their business in their…
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People angry about a dangerous thing being photographed doing that dangerous thing
You are absolutely FUMMIN about your kiddiewinks having to walk alongside a dangerous road to get their school bus to the point that you are on the phone to the local press about it. “Could you meet us by the A59 so we can take a few photographs? You know, with the kiddies right by…
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Man who banged his head is on a mission to measure all the road signs in Wandsworth
This is Julian. Julian is very tall, and three years ago head banged his head on a road sign. Most people would put this down to experience, but Julian knows that road signs should be installed at a minimum height so people don’t go around banging their heads, and would like Wandsworth Council to apologise.…
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Clothes peg on the nose as foul smell attacks nostrils in Adelaide
We’ve said it before, and it bears saying again: Any submission to APILN which features a clothes peg on the nose is guaranteed to be featured on these pages. So here’s a little tip for local newspaper picture editors who might be trying to boost their clicks: Head down to your nearest pound shop, and…
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OMD fans are FUMMIN after The Man removes famous Red Frame White Light phone box
Your Angry People in Local Newspapers editor is a fan of Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark, and he is absolutely FUMMIN. Nobody – NOBODY – takes away our phone box and gets away with it. Except the bastards already have. FUMMIN. Wirral Globe: BT contractors take away red phone box made famous by the OMD single…