We are indebted this morning to the South China Morning Post, Hong Kong’s newspaper of record, for the news that a gentleman was arrested trying to cross the border into China with a rucksack full of low quality grumble DVDs.

It’s not immediately clear which direction he was travelling, but the discs are now in the hands of the Chinese authorities who – as we speak – are conducting a frame-by-frame analysis of the contents.

Twice.

As for his excuse…

South China Morning Post: Man is forced to point at seized porno DVDs while claiming “I found them in a rubbish bin” as officials already have the latex ready for further searches

Yep. He found them in the rubbish.

Before packing all 276 of them into a rucksack to carry across an international border – presumably because he couldn’t face being parted with his modestly large collection of Gentlemen’s Leisure Entertainment.

Pixel-face here, whose excuse for accidentally trafficking scud is 100% believable, shall henceforth be known as Chinese Ron.

And if you don’t know about Ron, here’s a refresher:

Manchester Evening News: Couple’s Virgin Media service cut off after somebody hacked into their account and watched porny movies without paying for them. Three times.

Despite a campaign of innuendo, we are certain that Ron is an innocent man, and there is a perfectly logical explanation for this outrage.

Just look at that face, there’s no way he accessed low-quality grumble flicks while the wife was in bed.

And the same goes for Chinese Ron. Of course there’s a logical explanation. He’s just got to think one up first.