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Woman in Thailand is bitten on the bum by a python down her toilet. Twice.
To be bitten on your arse by a snake down your loo is unlucky. Twice could be considered careless. Or really, really unlucky. We dunno how popular toilet snakes are in Bangkok – everybody might have one. But at least it’s a non-venomous variety – if this story was from Australia she’d probably be dead…
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We don’t want a bypass round our town any more so we’re going to stand here all angry
Wanna feel old? This is what Bros look like today. And Matt, Luke and Ken don’t want the bypass that The Man want to build around the town in Australia where they rule as kings. However, if you’re some sort of youngling and your cultural references don’t include Bros, try this one: The new Top…
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Ice cream business owner offers ice cream reward after one of his carts is stolen
Why oh why oh why oh why would anybody steal a cart full of delicious cold ice cream right in the middle of the hottest summer for years? It’s mysteries like this which have flummoxed the greatest detectives of our age, from Jack the Ripper to Sherlock Holmes’s great unsolved Puzzle of the Corn-laden Turd.…
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Aussie sporting legend thought he was going to die in a hotel stairwell surrounded by his own urine
To be honest, it’s how we’d all like to go. Trapped in the fire escape after mistaking the door for the gym, determined not to wet your tracksuit bottoms. Luckily for Warwick Capper, former bad boy of Australian (No) Rules Football, the Grim Reaper was busy elsewhere and his time is not yet up. Perth…
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Teenager turned away from school prom because of ‘inappropriate’ outfit
School proms are the fifth circle of Hell and should never be allowed to exist. Having said that, this is the time of year you get angry kids (and their angry parents) in their local newspapers because they have found themselves crushed by the school prom machine. Take a look at this teenager, described by his…
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Plymouth woman’s epic sadface over missing pizza
What do you do when Domino’s get your pizza order wrong and you’ve been left waiting a week for the replacement? The correct answer is: Put on your best sadface and go to the local paper. Vicky here is therefore winning at life, even if she is down to the tune of one pizza. Plymouth…
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New Zealand manhunt for phantom DIY store pooper
WARNING: This article contains a photo of an actual turd, and don’t say we didn’t warn you. When you’ve got to go, you’ve got to go. But not in a demonstration toilet in a DIY store. Of course, somebody had to go there. Cue full-screen picture of a turd. NZ Herald: Hunt for DIY store pooper following…
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Give Me Champ: Man makes good luck symbol for Andy Murray and it has actual magical powers
It’s Wimbledon time of year again, and for Angry People in Local Newspapers fans that can only mean one thing: GIVE ME CHAMP The time in 2013 a bloke from Kettering built a good luck thing for Andy Murray. Northants Telegraph: Bloke from Kettering builds a good luck charm for Andy Murray, and even he’s not…
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New home completely blocked by bus shelter is probably a commentary on life in the UK in 2017, or something
I think we can all agree that the last couple of years have been the stupidest in human history. And we’re saying that against some pretty stiff opposition. Somebody once thought putting lead into petrol was a really good idea, for example. The stupid bastard. So why not illustrate the point that human stupidity is…
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Angry man nails the superhero landing right in the middle of Exmouth town centre
Are you a superhero? If you are, you have been taught how to do the superhero landing at superhero school. If you are a normo, then you just have to learn to do it yourself. Exmouth Journal: Area man says Exmouth’s pavements are cracking up under the force of his superhero landings Nailed it. But seriously,…