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Smell from Essex lake causes pantomime nose-holding
This is why we set up Angry People in Local Newspapers. If we can’t find a place on the internet to store photos of people angrily holding their noses, then we are lost as a civilisation. Essex Echo: Toxic algae in lake causing ‘rotting bins’ smell The only mystery remains is what she’s doing with her…
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You had one job: Road workers paint dead possum yellow
News reaches us from New Zealand of a new low in You Had One Job-ism – where even the most simple tasks are screwed up in a way that only humanity can manage. It’s not difficult: You clear the dead animals from the middle of the road instead of painting over them. Stuff.nz: That’s a dead…
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All burglars are ninjas, and hackers wear hoodies – The Rise of the Local Newspaper Stock Photo
If you look at local newspapers as much as we do, you’ll notice that increasing numbers of stories are illustrated by stock photos. This is due to a number of things, but mostly because having a staff photographer costs money, and it’s far easier and somewhat cheaper to pull a picture out of the archive.…
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Man gets blind drunk, loses his clothes, soils himself, and is arrested dressed as the Grim Reaper
This one’s from a few years ago and arrives without a picture, so it behooves us to illustrate it for you. So, where do we start on this night out with grim reaper-cussions? Morecambe Visitor: Man dressed as the Grim Reaper arrested after lads’ night out in the resort That’s the bare bones of it (eh?…
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Bad poetry in local newspapers strikes again: An ode to Benwell, may it rest in peace
There’s one guaranteed way of getting your point across in your local newspaper – write them a poem. And make sure it’s really bad. Good lord, I’ve done it, it doesn’t take some kind of Keats-like genius. Quite the opposite in fact. And to prove it, here’s one which could be described as a bit…
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Facebook’s online tat market proves to be bicycle thief’s undoing
This one is truly glorious, and chronicles one man’s ham-fisted attempt to cash in on a bike theft, and one woman’s l33t crime-fighting skills when the police couldn’t even pretend to be interested. But – you know – if you try to sell your ill-gotten gains through online tat market Facebook Marketplace immediately after stealing…
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Councillor skulks around waterfront with a crowbar complaining about concrete blocks
We’re not entirely sure why there are concrete blocks stacked on top of each other is this particular town in Tasmania, but they’ve got some sort of weathered, brutalist beauty that I quite admire. Councillor Ted Dorsey thinks otherwise, and is out and about with his crowbar trying to get them moved. Nice try Ted.…
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New Zealand ex-con suffering raging tattoo regret as he searches for a job
It seems I’m just about the only person in the world who hasn’t got a tattoo, but they’re still seen as a bit out-of-order when you’re looking for a job. This is especially the case where the tattoo is visible, and many employers won’t touch you with a six-foot pole. So, yeah, the word DEVAST8…
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Nice person’s country living made a misery by phantom poopers and dogging
If you are a dogger or list your occupation as a Phamton Pooper, take a good hard look at yourself. This person doesn’t like you and your phantom pooping ways in and around Plympton. In fact, she’s quite upset. Plymouth Herald: “I just dropped the hay bale and ran shouting ‘come quickly Tom someone’s s**t…
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Market Harborough is home to the dullest commemorative wall plaque in the world
I went on holiday by mistake this week and ended up kicking my heels for a day in Market Harborough, a not unpleasant town in the English East Midlands. While withdrawing cash from the machine at the Lloyds Bank next to the church I noticed this plaque, several feet up on the wall. It is…