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Furious mum dumps her rubbish at Thanet District Council offices
Minimum requirement for running a council in the UK: Emptying the bins every week. Let’s pop in on UKIP-controlled Thanet to see how things are getting on bin-wise in Little England. Oh. The Isle of Thanet News: Woman is so sick of council missing her bins that she’s cut out the middle man and taken several…
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Why oh why oh why can’t we have free dog poo bags any more?
Bear with us. We’re posting this one not for the issues surrounding council funding and the provision of free dog poo backs to pet owners. Oh no, we’re posting this one because of the idiot look on the dog’s face. Leader Weekly: Anger at council plan to scrap free dog poo bags as part of cost-cutting…
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Kiddiewink is being kept awake at night by farting noises coming from nearby car park
Who – we ask again – is going to think of the kiddiewinks? This kiddiewink in question is being kept awake at night by loudspeakers at a nearby car park designed to keep hoons and other troublemakers at bay. Hoons, people. Hoons. Worcester News: Anti-hoon megaphones are keeping this kiddiewink awake at night with their constant…
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BREAKING: Council locked out of meeting room, decide to hold meeting outside
Local council meetings are all action affairs that deal with the nitty-gritty of our lives. Where else will you hear arguments about the quality of the tinned coffee at the scout hut, and whether the grass near the war memorial needs three cuts a year instead of four? And on the Isle of Wight it’s…
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Man is knocked flat by a Reading No.17 bus, gets up and walks into a bar
Reading’s Simon Smith is a hero for our times. Knocked flat by a Reading Buses no.17 service to Tilehurst in Reading town centre, but calmly got up and walked directly into the Purple Turtle bar. Not even a near death experience keeps a Berkshire man away from his pint (even though 9am might still be…
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With all of Sheffield’s problems solved, residents hit out at mess caused by council grass cutting
This story is absolutely textbook when it comes to angry pointing, and needs to be preserved for the ages. The British Library is unlikely to take it, so here we are with some of the finest fury ever committed to newsprint. Sheffield Star: Residents recoil in horror at the mess left by council grass cutters And…
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A fox has been weeing in an official weather gauge and now the weather’s all wrong
Australia. Where the wildlife will kill you as soon as look at you. From cute little lambs, to fierce koala bears that drop from the trees and rip your head off, everything in Straya is there for one reason only: To kill you. Now the foxes are messing with us. ABC Rural: Weather station in Western…
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Police in Belgium nab the Phantom Library Book Crapper
FACT: There are no famous people from Belgium. None at all. “Ah-ha!” you say, “What about Hercules Parrot, the famous Belgian detective? Surely he’s Belgian and famous?” Alas not, because he is entirely made up, leaving us with this many famous Belgians: NONE. That is until now, for we can now add the Phantom Library…
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Why Bodmin Jail has taken over from Yarmouth’s House of Wax as the best worst tourist attraction in the UK
To Bodmin Jail in darkest Cornwall, led on by promises of a spooktacular experience in supposedly one of the most haunted buildings in the south west. And it contains this unintentionally hilarious gem, more of which later: But you’ll need to get there soon, because everything is going to change for the better within the…
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Did a sea eagle really mistake a naked sunbather’s testicles for turtle eggs?
News reaches us at APILN Towers of a hideous accident involving a naked sunbather and a large bird of prey mistaking his knackers for a tasty snack. But, you know, it all looks too good to be true and that got our FAKE NEWS spidey sense twitching. With the boundaries between truth and fiction increasingly…