To be bitten on your arse by a snake down your loo is unlucky.

Twice could be considered careless. Or really, really unlucky. We dunno how popular toilet snakes are in Bangkok – everybody might have one.

But at least it’s a non-venomous variety – if this story was from Australia she’d probably be dead by now, her lifeless body dragged up into a tree, being pecked at by vultures and flesh-eating koala bears.

Khaosod English News: Bangkok teenager bitten up the bum by python in her toilet

Here’s an unexpected detail:

“The guards noted the reptile had extremely dirty teeth, since it had been eating faeces and sewage. Doctors on Panarat’s end quickly administered antibiotics and injected anti-inflammatory and tetanus shots to prevent infection.”

Yeah, I bet you never thought THAT was a thing.

But we fear we are only hearing one side of the story.

What does the snake have to say about its hideous ordeal?

“I knew I should have taken that left turn at Albuquerque.”

To be fair, this kind of story could happen anywhere. And here it is happening in Solihull.

Solihull Observer: Six-foot-long snake found down toilet in charity shop

But to be equally fair, that’s probably the actual snake.