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Vandalism special: Please may we have Meghan and Harry’s heads back?
Are you a vandal? Congratulations, you are a nobber and you make kiddiewinks sad. You also make oldiewonks blow a gasket, making you – you absolute nobber – the number one cause of premature oldiewonk death after punch-ups at the bingo hall. Take a look at this outrage. Doncaster Free press: Mindless vandals upset the kiddiewinks…
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Royal Wedding Dull News Extravaganza: Part V – The Final Frontier
Our ordeal is almost over as our local press wheel out their final desperate angles on the royal wedding. Ironic, though, when you think about it, that the local council has stopped homeless people sleeping in the street so that people with actual homes can sleep in the street to see a glimpse of a…
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Royal Wedding Dull News Extravaganza Part IV: A New Hope
Only one day to go, and still the dull royal wedding news keeps on coming. And unless it goes completely Albert Square, that’ll be the last we hear of it. Part One Part Two Part Three York Press: Local woman and her cuddly toys quite looking forward to the royal wedding That’s the real Harry and…
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Royal Wedding Dull News Extravaganza Part III: Return of the Burrell
It’s the event that just won’t go away, and with two days to go, the gammon is out of the fridge and picking up a nice dose of E.coli. Part One Part Two And we’ve come to this – unrealistic voodoo dolls in the Chester Standard. We don’t know about you, but the representation of…
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Man runs away from suspected Kent cannabis factory – but was he a plant?
From Kent Messenger, the behemoths of the Kentish local news scene, comes this extraordinary clip from their evening local news bulletin. And what a clip it is. It’s as local reporter Cameron Tucker does a live piece to camera about the goings on at a cannabis factory uncovered in a peaceful rural village that this…
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Royal Wedding Dull News Extravaganza: Day Two – Harry and Meghan boogaloo
After yesterday’s opening salvo of desperately dull news on the forthcoming royal wedding, the stories are coming in thick and fast. So let’s see what our fair nation brings us as we await this happiest of events. Cambridge News: Man is quite looking forward to the royal wedding There is “quite looking forward to the royal…
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The Harry and Meghan Royal Wedding Dull Local News Extravaganza
There’s a royal wedding coming, and that can only mean one thing – mind-bendingly dull local news takes trying to find their own angle on the nuptials. Some may be dull, some may be vaguely horrific, but others hit the G-spot and land slap bang in the middle of dull and horror. And that is…
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Meow Ludo Disco Gamma Meow Meow is annoyed because he’s not allowed to have his rail ticket implanted in his arm any more
It’s bad enough going through life as Meow Ludo Disco Gamma Meow Meow without the law getting involved with your cyborg implant. But there you go, the son of Mr and Mrs Meow Meow has been summonsed to court for taking the chip out of his travel card and implanting it into the back of…
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The time Kylie found a crudely drawn cock in her burger
One of the pleasures of writing a book about APILN is stumbling across classics like this in our archives of fury. This is the story of Kylie, who had a nasty surprise when picking up a takeaway dinner for the kiddiewinks at a Hungry Jack’s down under. It turns out that Hungry Jack is only…
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Here’s how you can be in the Angry People in Local Newspapers book
We’ve been asked by those very nice people at Penguin to write a book about Angry People in Local Newspapers, and we want you to be in it. The book WILL feature all your favourites [and we’re willing to break the bank to secure Ron] culled from the last few years of local newspaper tales of…