Royal Wedding Dull News Extravaganza Part III: Return of the Burrell

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It’s the event that just won’t go away, and with two days to go, the gammon is out of the fridge and picking up a nice dose of E.coli.

Part One

Part Two

And we’ve come to this – unrealistic voodoo dolls in the Chester Standard.

We don’t know about you, but the representation of Meghan’s old dad, his kneecaps smashed by a vindictive national news media, is a little to close for comfort.

A nice touch is the camper van where the happy couple will be spending their first two weeks of married life on a tours of the Norfolk Broads.

Metro: KFC introduces limited edition bucket to market royal wedding

Limited to a mere 50 buckets in the Windsor branch only, so your interest may vary.

The first 49 are reserved for the wedding reception, so you’d better hurry.

And here’s your desperate local angle of the day:

Derbyshire Times: Former royal butler Paul Burrell, WHO IS FROM DERBYSHIRE, says poor, dead Princess Diana will be at the royal wedding ‘in spirit’

No Paul. No she won’t.

And we promised you room temperature gammon, and here is room temperature gammon:

Maidenhead Advertisers: Royal fans pitch up outside Windsor Castle several days in advance

Ironic, given that the council is clearing the area of unsightly and embarrassing homeless people.

All that’s missing is a town crier.

Rare image of a town crier stepping on a Lego brick

Yeah, that’s the fella.

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