Royal Wedding Dull News Extravaganza: Part V – The Final Frontier

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Our ordeal is almost over as our local press wheel out their final desperate angles on the royal wedding.

Ironic, though, when you think about it, that the local council has stopped homeless people sleeping in the street so that people with actual homes can sleep in the street to see a glimpse of a wedding to which they’re not invited.

We’re all mad.

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Part Four

York Press: Harry Woofser and Meghan Barkle to get married in obscene canine tribute to royal wedding

Except they’re actually called Herbie and Annie and everything surrounding this blasphemy is a lie.

And by Googling the words “right royal”, we discover a rich vein of horror.

Skegness Standard: Kiddiewinks scarred forever by appearance of man with freakishly large head at royal wedding party

Skegness, your town mascot is weird. 

The story also features this pair…

Get a room, the two of you.

Edinburgh Evening News: Scottish village shares the same name as a woman who is getting married

And the AMAZING thing, she’s marrying somebody called Windsor IN WINDSOR.

What are the chances of that happening?

Kent Online: Women who has twice given birth on the same day as the Duchess of Cambridge something something royal wedding, dunno

I got it, somebody who’s going to the royal wedding has children who share the same birthdays as her bairns.

Well, that’s a desperate angle.

And then, there’s this.

Stop it. Stop it at once.

Basically people who use the words “right royal” in the next 48 hours (except when immediately followed by the words “cock up”), their name is going in the book.

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