We’ve been asked by those very nice people at Penguin to write a book about Angry People in Local Newspapers, and we want you to be in it.
The book WILL feature all your favourites [and we’re willing to break the bank to secure Ron] culled from the last few years of local newspaper tales of FUMMIN people from all over Britain and the world.
But we also want YOUR pictures.
We can’t just lift newspaper photos for a book like we do on Facebook, because the newspapers will get angry at us, and their reaction will go much further than just pointing at us with a disappointed look on their faces. So we have to pay for their content. BOO.
And that’s where you guys come in.
We want LOADS of photos to illustrate the various types of newspaper angryism — from plain old arms-crossed fury to more complicated crowd scenes involving props.
Simply pick any number of the categories from the list below, take a photo, and send a LARGE RESOLUTION jpg to me at email@example.com. I can’t accept photos through Facebook as it tends to compress them.
The Bad News: Unfortunately, I am unable to pay you for your contributions, because being an author isn’t the gravy train it’s made out to be
The Good News: You WILL get a full credit of your choice in the book
There’s just one rule: Use your imagination, and try to get whatever it is that’s making you FUMMIN into the picture. That’s two rules.
The List of FUMMIN
Shaking your fist to an uncaring god
DONE A POO (context is everything – pothole, dog poo, muddy footpath)
Angry kiddiewink(s) – please make sure that all under-16s appear with the permission of parent or guardian
Crowd scene in the background with spokesperson in the foreground
Hi-vis tabards, lanyards and combinations thereof in an angry context
Councillors, mayors and officials
Work uniforms (but make sure you don’t get into trouble)
Angry celebrities (or celebrity lookalike)
Angry clergy (please have a look of mild disappointment on your face)
Sitting on the toilet
Pointing at unfinished house repairs / DIY / wonky shelf etc
Looking out of a window
Holding your nose
Clothes peg on your nose
Fingers in ears
Wearing reactolite glasses / sunglasses
Angry with bins (overflowing bins would be great)
Angry about fly-tipping and /or litter (but don’t dump rubbish, m’kay?)
Angry with a dog
Angry with a cat
Angry with any other animal
Pointing at dog poo
Pointing at abandoned dog poo bags
Pointing at a dog’s bottom
Pointing at a cat’s bottom
Pointing at biscuits, tins of food, something on a plate, cereal packets
Angry next to your front door
Holding up a bill (cover your address)
Holding up a sign (A4 sized)
Holding up a sign (large, make sure it’s REALLY shoddy)
Holding up “careful now // down with this sort of thing” signs
Holding up a car park ticket (in front of a car)
Holding up cash (to denote something has cost you and you’re FUMMIN about it)
Pointing at signs in a car park
Pointing at a dent on your car
Arms crossed in front of a petrol station / supermarket / pub as if you’ve been banned from the premises
Using luggage as a prop (as if you’ve just had a Holiday from Hell)
Pointing at your phone
Pointing at a lamp post
Pointing at a mobile phone mast
Pointing at Facebook / a computer screen
Pointing at a TV as if it’s broken. TV must be ENORMOUS.
Boring Legal Bit: All submitted photographs will be considered for publication. You agree that all persons appear with permission to appear in both print and electronic versions of the book, and that all minors appear with the permission of their parent or guardian. By submitting a photograph to Angry People In Local Newspapers for the purposes of the planned book, you waive the right to any compensation claim for its subsequent publication. You will, however, be credited as the author of said photograph.