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Anything can be improved with the addition of googly eyes – The angry people of April 2023
Once again it’s left to us to point out things that need pointing out. Googly eyes on shopfronts, the need for a Twins sequel, and the mating habits of supermarket trolleys. But what can you do? Oh yes, I remember: Point and laugh at them. Point and laugh at them HARD. Now. Get yer hair…
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The Red Bellends
Sometimes you have a stupid idea, and you run with it, and you find yourself amazed that the result is even stupider than you could possibly imagine. And this is the best terrible idea I’ve ever had.
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Never give up, never surrender!
Another week, another metric shedload (or 1.2 imperial shedloads) of people being furious. But this time, we’ve got a genuinely happy ending. Unless you’re German, then es tut mir lied.
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Wanna feel old? This is what the Lighthouse Family looks like today
Southern Daily Echo: Rocked up to your university graduation ceremony cosplaying as a character from Star Wars? HOME YOU GO! Of all the HOME YOU GO stories we’ve ever had on Angry People In Local Newspapers, this is by some distance the most justified. For a start he bunked off his shift drying trays in…
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‘Harold Chipman’
We hope you’ve cooled down after this week’s heatwave. Unfortunately, and we might as well get this over and done with up front, there’s been an outbreak of bad heatwave poetry on Facebook. Avert your eyes if you are of a nervous or literary disposition, this one it genuinely painful. If there is one thing…
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You had me at ’14-inch banana’ (not sexy slang), and also the greatest letter to the editor of all time (also not sexy slang)
Let’s hit the ground running. There is FAR TOO MUCH innuendo in the news today, and people need to know if what they’re reading constitutes sexy slang or not. The rules are complex, and it requires an expert panel to decide what counts as sexy slang in the confusing world in which we live. For…
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The power of the magic asparagus compels thee!
We have solved a genuine mystery. And the mystery is “Where have I seen this guy before?” So far so compo, but I never forget an angry face, and was convinced I’ve seem him elsewhere. And so it proved. Manchester Evening Post: Asda shopper left FUMMIN over size of his mince pies Christmas was –…
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The Actual Mark of the Beast and Actual Aliens
Huddersfield Examiner: Cul-de-Sac residents complain that their bins haven’t been emptied in two weeks The story aside (don’t leave your cars so the bin lorry can’t get up your street), I am obsessed with this gentleman’s shiny pair of shorts. Are they made of cut-down bin bags? __________________ Teesside Live: Man who runs a fan…
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The World Naked Butler Shortage: A warning from history
Surrey Live: We don’t do those clickbaity ‘Journalist Does Normal Thing’ stories that seem to be all the rage at the moment, except for this one A Journalist Does Normal Thing story has to be truly exceptional to get into the pges of Angry People in Local Newspapers, and when the reporter has a face…
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Normal for [insert name of town, city, county, or region]
![Normal for [insert name of town, city, county, or region]](https://apiln.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/000000001-7.jpg)
Everything is, as usual, ruined. And it’s always somebody else’s fault and the only way to express this is through the pages of your local newspaper. Welcome, you.