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Adequate food containing the meat from at least one named animal, the return of Knight Rider, and a cat
In other news, a local meat packing company has found the missing apprentice who was tasked with cleaning the mincing machine.
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Duolingo keeps trying to pick a fight with me
Quiet night down the pub, and this happens. Duolingo’s been on the sherbet again and sending small boys with less-than-veiled threats to my safety. Look Junior, I’ll take you on, in the car park outside. But don’t bring the owl, I don’t fight wild animals. Christ alive – for the third time – NO WILD…
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Weekend weird news round-up – 21 October
My old man taught me that there’s one big problem with the world, and that’s other people. And he’s right. Other people are WEIRD. Get Surrey: Lacy vest cause of blocked sewage pipe for thousands of Hampshire and Surrey homes Hands up those of you who’ve flushed a claggy pair of pants down the lav. [squints]…
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Man runs away from suspected Kent cannabis factory – but was he a plant?
From Kent Messenger, the behemoths of the Kentish local news scene, comes this extraordinary clip from their evening local news bulletin. And what a clip it is. It’s as local reporter Cameron Tucker does a live piece to camera about the goings on at a cannabis factory uncovered in a peaceful rural village that this…
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Nazis who can’t draw swastikas STRIKE AGAIN
Nazis are never the most intelligent sort of people, as their inability to draw their own fascist symbol proves time and again. And the latest manifestation of this phenomenon comes from Essex, where the local knuckle-dragger dragged his bones down to the offices of the local newspaper to give them a piece of his tiny…
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Archive: Aussie bloke does a mad dog impression on TV news
After yesterday’s mad clip of an Australian politician being possessed by the ghost of a bitter crocodile hunter, here’s more evidence that the sun down under turns your brain. What started as a routine news story about dogs being allowed to run amok around his street, turned Sydney pensioner Ray Graham into an overnight sensation…
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The Cumbria News and Star’s Orchestral Removers in the Dark front page is proper genius
Crime hits the streets of Brampton in Cumbria, as thieves make off with £40,000 of musical instruments in a night time raid. While this story may pass unnoticed, even with it’s APILN-worthy photograph of the aggrieved shop owner, it’s when Cumbria News and Star sub-editors took over that it all took new levels of madness.…
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Want to feel old? It’s six years to the day that Fenton ran amok in Richmond Park
November 2011 was a more innocent age. An age where a dog could chase after a herd of deer and the only argument was over whether it was Fenton or Benton. And that age was six years ago today, where an internet meme could turn up one day and be completely forgotten the next. (But…
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Mystery as cucumbers keep turning up in Tunbridge Wells
It’s all kicking off down in Kent where somebody is leaving cucumbers lying around in the street. While we’re used to other food detritus – usually half-eaten takeaway meals, abandoned the second the customer comes to their senses – finding salad lying around your home town is quite a long way from business as usual.…
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Yes, yes we do want to watch Gemma Collins falling off the stage at the BBC Teen Awards. Repeatedly
Gemma is the gift that keeps on giving. A true artist in every sense of the word. And here she is falling off the stage at the BBC Teen Awards. OH MY GOD. Gemma Collins just fell down a hole on stage after announcing the winner of Best TV Show at the #R1TeenAwards. She seems…