Weekend weird news round-up – 21 October

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My old man taught me that there’s one big problem with the world, and that’s other people.

And he’s right. Other people are WEIRD.


Get Surrey: Lacy vest cause of blocked sewage pipe for thousands of Hampshire and Surrey homes

Hands up those of you who’ve flushed a claggy pair of pants down the lav.

[squints]

Yeah, all of you.


WFLA: Giant inflatable colon stolen from outside Kansas hospital

What a shitty thing to do.


Toronto GlobalNews: Canadian Mounties remind people to lock their doors after pair enter wrong home, clean it

“Siri, show me the most Canadian news story in the entire history of Canada”


Fox 32: Man advises ‘don’t let strippers in the house’ after all of his guns are stolen

I’ll remember next time I’m about to invite strippers into my house


Edinburgh News: Train into Edinburgh breaks down after driver honks its horn too much

Happens to all of us at one stage or another


INEWS: Irish presidential candidate insists he can defeat a horse-sized duck using judo

We all know that swans can break a man’s arm with one flap of its wing, and a horse-sized duck would be about five times bigger than a swan.

I’m sorry, Sean, that duck’s going to peck your face off. RIGHT OFF.


BBC News: California student ‘baked grandmother’s ashes into cookies’ and fed them to classmates

I see what’s going on here. This is the main-stream media readying us for Soylent Green. My name’s David Icke, goodnight.


And, of course, The Sunday Sport, for whom every good journalist secretly wants to write.


While you’re here, don’t forget to buy our book – published on 15 November.

Amazon: Angry People in Local Newspapers

You’d be an utter melt to miss out.


 

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