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Park your old age delinquents somewhere else NIMBY anger
You buy a house, live a quiet life, and all of a sudden The Man wants to move a tribe of pensioners in next door. Not In My Back Yard, mate. Next thing you know, they’ll be playing bingo with menaces, talking to you aggressively about the problem Jean’s having (whisper) down there, and pushing…
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Angry Noddy Holder in Local Newspapers
It’s tough being a celebrity. You still need to earn a buck, even though you are still world famous around much of the West Midlands. And then you get into trouble with the authorities, and any publicity is good publicity. Huddersfield Examiner: Noddy Holder upset after being fined for driving his bus through bus gates Mama,…
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Biddies banjaxed by bus bay buggery
I see you’ve noticed our headline. Terrible, isn’t it? Great Yarmouth Mercury: Mum and daughter fuming after council paints bus stop markings on the road outside the house for a bus stop that has been there for years “Will we get a rate rebate?” they ask. Yes, at 100%, because nobody’s paid “rates” for years. And…
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British Telecom broadband blunder upsets scary kids
You’ve probably noticed by now that sad kiddiewinks are a staple of the Angry People experience. Now let us introduce you to their close relative: Scary Kids. There is one surefire way of turning kiddiewinks into scary kids – take their internet away. Portsmouth News: Family’s new house hasn’t had broadband for nearly three months And…
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Our garden has been taken over by an invasive plant that will probably kill us all
An Englishman’s home is his castle, and his garden is probably his moat. I dunno, sounds just about right. So the last thing you want are unwanted invaders, like Jehovah’s Witnesses, strange men offering to clear out your guttering for an eye-watering sum, and the Dreaded Japanese Knotweed. Birmingham Mail: Japanese knotweed gives man heck I…
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Please stop killing our kiddiewinks TO DEATH thank you
FACT: Nobody actually wants to be a school crossing guard. The hours are rubbish, you’re forced to dress up in the kind of hi-viz outfit that not even fashion students would consider for their end-of-year catwalk show, and you have to be called a paedo by passing drivers at least fifty times a day. In…
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Sad kiddiewinks – a spotter’s guide
Sad kiddiewinks are a staple of local news coverage. Nothing pulls harder at the heartstrings that the quivering lower lip of a wronged kiddiewink. Just nick their school pet, and – hey presto – guaranteed local newspaper gold. Brighton Argus: Sad kiddiewinks appeal for new whiteboards for cash-strapped school Quite a lot going on here, but…
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The Man has completely destroyed our beautiful harbour and other Welsh delights
The Cambrian News, north and west Wales’s finest news title. When you think your world is too complicated and too full of problems, take a look at their website and it’ll put everything in perspective. The bloody whingers. Cambrian News: We don’t like the colour of the new barrier at the harbour This is probably as…
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From the archives: The case of the invisible chicken curry
A true Angry People classic. One man, his entire life leading up to the point where he faces down the might of Asda supermarkets single-handedly. No Chicken Man – we salute you. Worcester News: Man’s Asda chicken curry comes with no chicken The vegetarian option, as it were. And nearly as good as this gem, back…
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Why oh why oh why was I kicked off my hen party flight anger
Don’t piss off flight crew. Really. Do NOT piss off flight crew. They will kick you off your flight, and the whining sound of jet engines will be replaced by the whining sound of you going to the local papers. Nottingham Post: Hen party kicked off flight over ‘Bitches on Tour’ T-shirts OK, no plane has…