Sad kiddiewinks and hi-vis tabards: Together at last. We have to admit that vandals-smash-up-nursery-school stories are ten a penny since smashing up nursery schools became a new Olympic sport, but the addition of hi-vis tabards takes this to a whole new level. Nottingham Post: Kiddiewinks forced to pull sad faces, wear hi-vis tabards after vandals smash…

Here’s your regular Joe, trying to get by in life, going into the council office to pay a fine for the rubbish in his garden. In pennies. At five minutes to five. He’s a bloody nuisance, isn’t he? Michigan Live: Disgruntled citizen attempts to pay $270 in pennies, told to sling his hook There are many…

The last thing you want when you’re running for the loo, the turtle’s head already touching cloth, is for the toilet to turn out not to be a toilet. You’d be so angry that – right after you’ve dumped your load behind the brightly-coloured pumping station – you’d go to the papers where you’d allow…

A man’s hedge is his castle, especially if it is a ridiculously huge one like Vince Osborne’s. It is such a landmark, he has even grown a miniature tribute to it in moustache form. But now The Man in New Zealand want him to cut his hedge back, and it looks like The Man has…

Dagenham, symbol of workers’ struggle throughout the free world, and now the centre of a new battle. The battle between old lady and her bin men. And it’s been getting a bit fruity, even by Dagenham standards. Barking and Dagenham Post: Woman demands apology from “rude” bin men after they didn’t empty her green bin I…

Some years ago, I decided that the internet was missing a blog where pictures of people squatting in a certain position were captioned “Done a Poo”, because it looked like they were doing a poo. It’s still there, and it’s still terrible. But I have continued this childish tradition with news photographs, because if there’s…

It’s summer, which means people are missing their flights and going to the papers about their misfortune, which is – in the main – entirely their fault. So it’s rare to see someone making the most of their misfortune after forgetting to go to the airport for their plane to Barcelona. The bloody lunatics. Manchester…

Nominative determinism usually applies to people – you know, times where Dr Arse Rectum gets a job at the bum clinic. Or Frank Isellcarstowankers is found working at a BMW showroom. But it’s rare to find a building living up to its name. Grimsby Telegraph: Kiddiewinks as young as eight leaping from roof-to-roof at the Leap…

You know how life goes – one thing leads to another, you end up having sexy times with a lady (or a man) and the next thing you know, you’ve got a kiddiewink to deal with. And kiddiewinks are complicated machines that need food and clothes and entertainment and money, and sometimes they go wrong.…

You buy a whopping great car. All’s going well until you realise you’re only getting 24 miles per gallon out of it. WHY COULD THAT BE I WONDER? Car Buyer: Essex man discovers that his whopping great Hyundai Tucson doesn’t have an economy mode But it does have – we learn – a burn petrol like…