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New Zealand moustache man fights for his hedge
A man’s hedge is his castle, especially if it is a ridiculously huge one like Vince Osborne’s. It is such a landmark, he has even grown a miniature tribute to it in moustache form. But now The Man in New Zealand want him to cut his hedge back, and it looks like The Man has…
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Dagenham pensioner gets bin day wrong, still complains
Dagenham, symbol of workers’ struggle throughout the free world, and now the centre of a new battle. The battle between old lady and her bin men. And it’s been getting a bit fruity, even by Dagenham standards. Barking and Dagenham Post: Woman demands apology from “rude” bin men after they didn’t empty her green bin I…
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The best worst election campaign video you will ever see
This is Greg Knight. As far as we know, he is a real person. He is standing in the General Election for the Conservative Party in the East Yorkshire constituency, where he is the standing MP. Real people voted for him. In their droves. For reasons that escape us, he makes his own promotional videos,…
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DONE A POO
Some years ago, I decided that the internet was missing a blog where pictures of people squatting in a certain position were captioned “Done a Poo”, because it looked like they were doing a poo. It’s still there, and it’s still terrible. But I have continued this childish tradition with news photographs, because if there’s…
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Travellers make the best of their Holiday Hell
It’s summer, which means people are missing their flights and going to the papers about their misfortune, which is – in the main – entirely their fault. So it’s rare to see someone making the most of their misfortune after forgetting to go to the airport for their plane to Barcelona. The bloody lunatics. Manchester…
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Nominative determinism nursery sparks kiddiewink danger
Nominative determinism usually applies to people – you know, times where Dr Arse Rectum gets a job at the bum clinic. Or Frank Isellcarstowankers is found working at a BMW showroom. But it’s rare to find a building living up to its name. Grimsby Telegraph: Kiddiewinks as young as eight leaping from roof-to-roof at the Leap…
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Kiddiewink sent to the vet compo face
You know how life goes – one thing leads to another, you end up having sexy times with a lady (or a man) and the next thing you know, you’ve got a kiddiewink to deal with. And kiddiewinks are complicated machines that need food and clothes and entertainment and money, and sometimes they go wrong.…
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When you buy a car the size of a tank and wonder where the economy mode has gone
You buy a whopping great car. All’s going well until you realise you’re only getting 24 miles per gallon out of it. WHY COULD THAT BE I WONDER? Car Buyer: Essex man discovers that his whopping great Hyundai Tucson doesn’t have an economy mode But it does have – we learn – a burn petrol like…
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Park your old age delinquents somewhere else NIMBY anger
You buy a house, live a quiet life, and all of a sudden The Man wants to move a tribe of pensioners in next door. Not In My Back Yard, mate. Next thing you know, they’ll be playing bingo with menaces, talking to you aggressively about the problem Jean’s having (whisper) down there, and pushing…
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Angry Noddy Holder in Local Newspapers
It’s tough being a celebrity. You still need to earn a buck, even though you are still world famous around much of the West Midlands. And then you get into trouble with the authorities, and any publicity is good publicity. Huddersfield Examiner: Noddy Holder upset after being fined for driving his bus through bus gates Mama,…