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IT A STICH UP – A salute to shoddy homemade protest signs
If you’re going to make an appearance in a local newspaper as an angry person, it’s vital that you are photographed in such a way that people know what you are angry about. This is called context. But for the love of everything that is holy, do not knock up a sign out of plywood…
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Biddies banjaxed by bus bay buggery
I see you’ve noticed our headline. Terrible, isn’t it? Great Yarmouth Mercury: Mum and daughter fuming after council paints bus stop markings on the road outside the house for a bus stop that has been there for years “Will we get a rate rebate?” they ask. Yes, at 100%, because nobody’s paid “rates” for years. And…
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British Telecom broadband blunder upsets scary kids
You’ve probably noticed by now that sad kiddiewinks are a staple of the Angry People experience. Now let us introduce you to their close relative: Scary Kids. There is one surefire way of turning kiddiewinks into scary kids – take their internet away. Portsmouth News: Family’s new house hasn’t had broadband for nearly three months And…
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Bad e-fit of the day
In this world of ubiquitous CCTV cameras and top-end graphics package, it’s pleasing to see that our police forces still use MS Paint to draw pictures of criminals. And then they send them out in screen resolution the size of a postage stamp. The results – as ever -are impressive. Essex Echo: Man exposes himself on…
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Our garden has been taken over by an invasive plant that will probably kill us all
An Englishman’s home is his castle, and his garden is probably his moat. I dunno, sounds just about right. So the last thing you want are unwanted invaders, like Jehovah’s Witnesses, strange men offering to clear out your guttering for an eye-watering sum, and the Dreaded Japanese Knotweed. Birmingham Mail: Japanese knotweed gives man heck I…
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Please stop killing our kiddiewinks TO DEATH thank you
FACT: Nobody actually wants to be a school crossing guard. The hours are rubbish, you’re forced to dress up in the kind of hi-viz outfit that not even fashion students would consider for their end-of-year catwalk show, and you have to be called a paedo by passing drivers at least fifty times a day. In…
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Sad kiddiewinks – a spotter’s guide
Sad kiddiewinks are a staple of local news coverage. Nothing pulls harder at the heartstrings that the quivering lower lip of a wronged kiddiewink. Just nick their school pet, and – hey presto – guaranteed local newspaper gold. Brighton Argus: Sad kiddiewinks appeal for new whiteboards for cash-strapped school Quite a lot going on here, but…
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The Man has completely destroyed our beautiful harbour and other Welsh delights
The Cambrian News, north and west Wales’s finest news title. When you think your world is too complicated and too full of problems, take a look at their website and it’ll put everything in perspective. The bloody whingers. Cambrian News: We don’t like the colour of the new barrier at the harbour This is probably as…
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Here’s your filthy headline of the day
You know what they say about Facebook: Can’t live with it, can’t live without spanging it over the head with a frying pan and burying it under the patio. One Facebook feature we enjoy is the way it truncates news headlines just as they’re getting interesting. Yup. No wonder he’s looking nervous. Spotter: Bryn
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From the archives: The case of the invisible chicken curry
A true Angry People classic. One man, his entire life leading up to the point where he faces down the might of Asda supermarkets single-handedly. No Chicken Man – we salute you. Worcester News: Man’s Asda chicken curry comes with no chicken The vegetarian option, as it were. And nearly as good as this gem, back…