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Why oh why oh why was I kicked off my hen party flight anger
Don’t piss off flight crew. Really. Do NOT piss off flight crew. They will kick you off your flight, and the whining sound of jet engines will be replaced by the whining sound of you going to the local papers. Nottingham Post: Hen party kicked off flight over ‘Bitches on Tour’ T-shirts OK, no plane has…
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Death, fear, destruction and lawn bowls – together at last!
NEVER get on the wrong side of lawn green bowlers. They may seem a quiet and docile lot, but once they switch to overarm, they take absolutely no prisoners. And the social nights rival the court of Caligula* Sunderland Echo: Bowlers rage at council over the poor state of their green That chap’s medal was given…
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Is your CCTV trying to see me naked?
Among the many questions not being asked by this gentleman could be “Is your CCTV trying to see me naked?” And the answer is no, the camera is not trying to see him naked. Nor is it trying to spy on kiddiewinks is some bizarre plot by a global pedalo network. BUT IT COULD BE.…
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The Nazis are back, in tyre-shaped swastika Art Attack form
Kids: Nazis are bad, m’kay? Don’t try any of this stuff at school. Especially the bit about the Nazi tyres. That’s particularly bad. Hitler had Nazi tyres on his staff car, that’s how bad Nazi tyres are. Taranaki Daily News (NZ): Headteacher miffed after vandals smash up school, create giant Nazi Art Attack in the…
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Teenage boozers make golf man sad
Golf. Man’s quest to hit a tiny ball down a hole in the ground from a range of quarter of a mile, while paying extraordinary quantities of money for the privilege. The last thing you want are drunken kiddiewinks making it harder. Renfrew Gazette: Arseholed teenagers making life difficult for local golfers The major problem for…
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Gobsmacked sailor KLAXON
If there’s one thing that brings out the sadface in local newspapers, it’s a charity wronged. In this case, it’s angry sailors getting the wrong message from the local pencil-necked geeks on the council. Kent Live: Old boy ‘gobsmacked’ to be told that he had to pay £50 per day to collect for seafarers’ charity in…
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My camper van is too tall for all the car parks in Horsham anger
We’re not saying that camper van drivers all fit into the same stereotype, but… “Jim… is a member of Broadwood Morris Men.” That’s just pure coincidence. West Sussex County Times: May camper van won’t fit into any of the car parks in Horsham says camper van owner who is also a Morris Man, yet from this…
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Napoleon Dynamite is going to mess you up with his jazz hands
The sadness of kiddiewinks when vandals strike at their school should be enough to bring rage to the heart of any sane and reasonable person. Why would The Vandals do this? Can’t you just see their little faces? Bournemouth Echo: Sadfaces galore as The Vandals wreck play equipment at junior school Hey, kid! Stop it with…
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What do we burn apart from witches? (Also, druids)
More witches!! Never piss off witches, they know stuff, and usually have very sharp boots. I know this to be a fact, as I am pals with the actual Nanny Ogg from the Discworld books. It’s made all the more confusing that the same person is also Angua the werewolf. Gloucester Live: Witches claim they are at the…
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Not allowed to park my van on my driver because of pencil-necked desk-jockeys
This bloke has a camper van. This bloke’s camper van has angered the pencil-necked desk-jockeys of the local council. It’s a battle of wills and he will lose. Daily Record: Council’s pencil-necked desk-jockeys tell tenant to remove camper van from the hard-standing outside his home On the bright side, if they evict him, he’s got his camper van…