This is Julian. Julian is very tall, and three years ago head banged his head on a road sign. Most people would put this down to experience, but Julian knows that road signs should be installed at a minimum height so people don’t go around banging their heads, and would like Wandsworth Council to apologise.…

We’ve said it before, and it bears saying again: Any submission to APILN which features a clothes peg on the nose is guaranteed to be featured on these pages. So here’s a little tip for local newspaper picture editors who might be trying to boost their clicks: Head down to your nearest pound shop, and…

Your Angry People in Local Newspapers editor is a fan of Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark, and he is absolutely FUMMIN. Nobody – NOBODY – takes away our phone box and gets away with it. Except the bastards already have. FUMMIN. Wirral Globe: BT contractors take away red phone box made famous by the OMD single…

Here’s a fact: When your dog fixes you that steely gimlet stare when he’s having a crap on the living room carpet, he’s not thinking “What are you going to do about this, bud?”. he’s actually expecting you to look out for predators while he’s in a vulnerable condition. When a lorry driver fixes you that…

My dirty little secret is that my first job was for a local supermarket as the trolley boy. It meant spending my evenings after college tramping around a piss-stenching multi-storey car park in Reading collecting the things and bringing them back to the store. Most of them ended up stolen, but my sisyphean task was made…

It’s a given that any story featuring an angry person holding their nose is a shoe-in to be featured on this site. And here is a man from Sittingbourne in Kent who is a) holding his nose and b) looking at the camera in a slightly self-conscious manner because he feels a little bit of…

Road users! Here’s a message for you from the people of Horsford in Norfolk: Stop driving like dicks and follow the diversion. And here, we’ve made a sign for you in simple language you may be able to understand. Eastern Daily Press: Villagers have had enough of drivers ignoring official diversion and road closed signs, make…

Look, this one’s going to be filled with loads of penis jokes. Just so you know. But since the dawn of time, men have lied about the size of their meat, a fact that has just caught up with the editorial staff of the Swindon Advertiser. Swindon Advertiser: Woman resigned to a life of disappointment after…

A classic from the year 2014, and it might surprise you to learn that it is not about pantomime dames. At least, we don’t think it’s about pantomime dames. Swindon Advertiser: Disgruntled customer rolls up to the Swindon branch of Wickes in his bath robe and boxer shorts to complain about lack of action on his faulty shower…

When you buy a new home, you except it to be built with a few minimum standards. Doors that fit. Roof doesn’t leak. Not built on an old, cursed, Indian burial ground. And now there’s… Birmingham Mail: Couple find their new home comes with a drive that’s too narrow for their Ford Fiesta The culprits here are…