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Man ‘forced’ to keep his new wheelie bin on the decking he built for his massive midlife crisis motorbike
Look no further. Here’s the most midlife crisis news story you will ever see. It has everything. Bins. Bloody huge motorbike. Specially constructed decking. And – of course – epic sadface. Bath Chronicle: Biker says he’s been ‘forced’ to keep his new wheelie bin on the decking he built specially for his Harley Davidson motorbike Yes,…
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Milko dairies declare war on local fox population
Foxes. Cute fluffy animals, or devious wild dogs intent on eating your face off? Our local foxes fall squarely into the cute fluffy animals category, except for when they start howling at the bottom of the garden and set the dogs off. Then they are utter bastards. Cute fluffy, little bastards. In Waltham Forest, it…
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That time Mrs Mangel out of Neighbours got ripped off buying from online ticket touts
Repeat after me: Don’t. Buy. Concert. Tickets. From. Online. Ticket. Touts. Yet still they do, and despite being dead, Mrs Mangel out of Neighbours has found herself on the sharp end of a shady deal. Melbourne Herald Sun: Calls to ban online ticket website Viagogo after numerous complaints She can count herself lucky – at least…
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People keep losing their dentures and the surprised finders keep going to the local newspapers
People of Britain: If you have dentures, please at least make an effort to keep them in your mouth. Because if there’s one thing that keeps turning my stomach is seeing people in local newspapers gurning at the teeth they have found lying in the street. And it being the silly season, there’s been at least three…
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Bridlington man smashes up his Renault Clio and leaves it for dead
Bridlington. A quiet seaside town where the sea laps at the toes of tourists on the beach, or a hive of scum and villainy? YOU DECIDE. And to help you make your decision, we’re indebted to our local spotter, who has risked life and limb to bring you this important story and video footage. Bridlington…
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Rotherham man claims he could have been blinded by flying ice cream, if he had been facing the other way and it had hit him in the eye with the sharp end
Rotherham. Home of The Chuckle Brothers, so we’re pretty sure they’d be used to a bit of slapstick comedy by now. But when this couple got into a bit of a row with an ice cream man about the price of their 99s, the “to me, to you” ended up with the police getting involved,…
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People have forgotten how to use bins and now they’re all getting maggots
“Do you want ants? Because this is how we get ants” says Sterling Archer, the world’s greatest animated secret agent. And it’s the same in Britain these days, only with maggots, because – somehow – people have forgotten how to use their bins and are looking for someone to blame for the ensuing stench and…
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Angry Dogs in Local Newspapers
You read that right, we’re going to anthropomorphise it, because dogs don’t actually know how to pose angrily. But look at these miserable sods. Barnsley Chronicle: Owner of dementia dogs (not pictured) FUMMIN because animals weren’t allowed into town hall event because of health and safety gone mad, on acid Animals are not allowed into Barnsley…
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Oh New Zealand, you had me at “Playground Poo War”
It’s no longer kicking off in New Zealand where local school kids have won their battle to stop members of the public from crapping in their school playground. Wait… what?! “Children petitioned the Central Otago District Council in 2016 to help fund a toilet to stop members of the public doing their business in their…
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People angry about a dangerous thing being photographed doing that dangerous thing
You are absolutely FUMMIN about your kiddiewinks having to walk alongside a dangerous road to get their school bus to the point that you are on the phone to the local press about it. “Could you meet us by the A59 so we can take a few photographs? You know, with the kiddies right by…