Bridlington. A quiet seaside town where the sea laps at the toes of tourists on the beach, or a hive of scum and villainy?
And to help you make your decision, we’re indebted to our local spotter, who has risked life and limb to bring you this important story and video footage.
Bridlington Advertiser: Car owner fails in his attempts to get his car to start, loses his shit, comes back and gives his car a DAMN GOOD THRASHING, before losing his shit a second time and taking a hammer and a shovel to vital parts of its anatomy and then has second thoughts and fixes the damage with bin bags and duck tape. Ta-daa!
I know exactly what you’re thinking: Pictures or it didn’t happen.
Happy to oblige.
Part one: In which he has the manners to wait for passer-by to get out of range before unleashing KUNG FURY
Part two: In which a ten pound lump hammer and a shovel are found to be more than adequate against a Renault Clio’s puny defences
Part three: You know? I might need to use this car again one day. These bin bags will get it through its MOT, I swear.
A classy repair job, I think you’ll agree.
And while we’re at it, here’s another massive tool.
London Evening Standard: Garage business ‘being driven out of Hackney by Hipsters’
Look, just grow a ridiculous beard and offer a rickshaw and penny-farthing repair service, and you’ll be fine.
Honestly, do we have to be here for everybody?