Graffiti, when properly executed, can be an art form delivering a devastating message on the state of our civilisation. At other times it just says “Eat my fart”, and that is still – to some – a work of art. My drive to work took me under a railway bridge where nobody had the heart…

I get a direct message, and down the rabbit hole we go: “I sent a press release to the locals about a biscuit I got that didn’t have chocolate on.” And then: “Update: Just been interviewed about a biscuit.” “This sounds important,” I reply. “Keep us posted.” And it IS important. Portsmouth News: Biscuit lover shocked to…

How do you make somebody do a face that would curdle milk? Send them a surprise parking ticket in the post, it seems. And if you work in parking enforcement, why not give it a go? It works exactly 100 per cent of the time. Look… Sunshine Coast Daily: Woman fights local council over fine after…

Life is difficult. And when you can’t get the tinned tomatoes you like, it’s all you can do not to run amok down the aisles of your local Coop. But somebody’s got to do it. Cambs Times: For the love of all that is holy, somebody order in some tinned plum tomatoes at the March branch…

In 2014, in one of the great injustices of this modern age, an innocent man was charged £900 by Virgin Media for porny movies he swears he didn’t watch. And now, look, it is happening again. And this time it’s over an mysterious purchase of Sky Spurts …err… Sports. Colchester Gazette: Essex man has no idea…

Stealing wing mirrors off cars is neither big nor clever, so stop doing it you curs. We are saying this because repeated thefts of Mini wing mirrors have made this oldiewonk sad and we think you should stop now. However, she appears to have invented a new accessory for which any filthy-minded Mini owner will…

It’s pretty much a minimum requirement that toys for the kiddiewinks shouldn’t say things like “You bitch” and other top quality swears. Talking dolls should say “Mama”, “Papa”, and “I’ve pooed my nappy”. “You bitch” is way out. Birmingham Mail: Mum buys cursed speaking doll for her kiddiewink from Argos, is shocked that it is full…

A general rule of thumb: If you buy a novelty birthday cake from somebody off Facebook in an alley behind Wilkos, you probably deserve what happens next. This woman bought a novelty birthday cake from somebody off Facebook in an alley behind Wilkos, and has learned the hard way. She also paid them fifty pounds…

The old pound coins ceased to be legal tender land week, but its hardly a surprise that there are still millions of the things in circulation. And that means that you shouldn’t be too surprised if one or two end up in your pocket. Or, you could just lose your mind and go to the…

As excuses for overstaying in a car park go, being held hostage by a passing parade is right up there. And just look at the fury. I know people who would be quite happy to be held hostage by Skegness Carnival for a while, but they are deviants and perverts and should be in prison.…