The best of APILN for December 2021 part II, but stories that are not Christmas is RUINED because they’ve got their own page m’kay?

Isn't this year over yet? Why isn't this year over yet?

0
498

____________________

Gloucestershire Live: Driver doesn’t over-react in the slightest after receiving a parking ticket

On the run from the law, sleeping in barns, foraging for food in hedgerows. Who knows when this renegade will FACE THE LAW.

____________________

Chronicle Live: Mayor is furious over lack of electric car charging points in his town

“Phased plasma rifle in the 40 watt range”

“Hey, just what you see, pal”

____________________

Cambridge News: Woman is DISCUSTARD after finding a piece of kiwi fruit in her McDonald’s drink which she had left in her kitchen overnight

A superb example of a) compo face, and b) vowing never to return.

____________________

The Northern Echo: Local man’s Spanish holiday is RUINED by screeching parakeets

From my seat here, on a cold frosty morning in southern England, I can only offer my most heartfelt thoughts and prayers for those stuck in that unfortunate situation, a veritable sixth circle of actual HELL.

____________________

Stoke Sentinel: Stoke street keeps getting ‘crater-like’ potholes

For the uninitiated this pose is known to aficionados of local newspaper photographs as the “Done A PooW because it looks like the subject is doneing a poo.

This one is also notable for the “quick, the guy from the paper’s here” dash out into the street wearing odd socks. Well played.

____________________

Huddersfield Examiner: Couple left FUMMIN in dispute over ‘rubbish’ mattress

I see your problem – you’ve only gone and bought a giant marshmallow.

____________________

Teesside Gazette: Psychic Shaun FUMMIN after having to move his crystal shop due to unforeseen circumstances

If only (oh-ho!) he had seen it happening!!!!!!!!!!!1111

____________________

Grimsby Telegraph: Parking chaos outside school ‘is an accident waiting to happen’, says local oldiewonk

The photograph looks like a still from a health and safety training video asking viewers to spot everything that’s wrong.

Hint: He’s not wearing reactolites, for a start.

____________________

North Wales Daily Post: Home Bargains ‘treated me like a shoplifter’ says man who refuses to use shopping trolleys

Top tip: If you have an aversion to push germ-laden shopping trolleys around a supermarket, and instead choose to ram your purchases into you bag for life, ensure that you wear your “I am not a shoplifter” badge to alert security and management to the fact that you are not a shoplifter.

____________________

Important cat news:

Chronicle Live: Legendary Black Cat of Tynedale is caught on camera.

Cat.

It’s always a cat.

____________________