Paris destroyed/Paris saved

How many round-ups of local newspaper headlines begin with an obscure reference to the film Superman II (1980, dir: Richard Lester)? Just this one, that's how many.

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Residents of Krypton Street complain that their bins have been left unemptied for three months
Residents of Krypton Street complain that their bins have been left unemptied for three months

Students of classic 1980s cinema may remember one of the opening scenes of Superman 2, where Paris is threatened by terrorists with a nuclear weapon, and Clark Kent’s editor is torn between a front page saying PARIS DESTROYED and PARIS SAVED.

This story is exactly the same only with slightly more Oxford and rather less General Zod escaping from the Phantom Zone.

Which way will it go?

Only fate can reveal.

Oxford Mail: OXFORD SAVED

Well, thank the stars for that.

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Huddersfield Examiner, but to be honest it’s been in every local newspaper in the world: Woman ‘forced’ to sleep in Spanish airport after Ryanair said her case was too big

The word “forced” being tortured to its absolute limit here.

Spoiler: She changed her mind after being read the Ryanair terms and conditions for luggage size, and went home to be photographed in a number of alluring poses with her case.

And of course, the moral of this story is: You only fly with Ryanair once.

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Metro: Man turned away from blood donation clinic after refusing to answer routine questionnaire asking whether he is pregnant

Imagine being that incensed about this to the point of going to the press about it.

It’s political correctness gone mad, on acid.

But enjoy your Golden Flounce Award, which you can proudly display on the back of your downstairs lavatory door.

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The West Australian: Bouncy castle kingpin resorted to arson to put his rivals out of business

He’s let his employees down, he’s let his family down, he’s let the local kiddiewinks down, but most of all he’s let himself down.

We hope he’s feeling suitably deflated.

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Lynn News: New bus shelter installed

Every now and then a news story comes along which shatters the very fabric of the society in which we live.

This is not that story.

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The Oldham Times: (Actual headline) Residents ‘left in the dark’ after erection of ‘smelly’ pole which blocks view

Somewhere in the Oldham area is a newspaper sub-editor who has fulfilled his or her career ambition.

‘Erection of a smelly pole’. Jolly well done.

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Border Counties Advertizer: Jubilee party at the Women’s Institute

We are only including this story because the photograph is clearly cursed.

Do not show it to people of a nervous disposition.

Thank you.

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Metro: Woman’s birthday party ends with massive fight in the front garden

We wouldn’t usually cover stories like this, but we can assure you that clicking through and viewing the video is two minutes and twenty-four seconds well spent.

It is also the reason why the English are simultaneously the best and the worst people in the world.

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Lancashire Live: Festival-goer demands refund on tickets he bought in 2019

To be honest that’s an awful lot of money to sit in a field to see Dodgy, the dissident wing of UB40, and a tribute band called Wrong Jovi.

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Kids News Australia: One-man campaign to highlight poor state of the roads in Victoria

Yes, it’s John Craven’s Newsround for Aussie kids, but this contains a selection of photos that somehow stay on the right light of being – you know – childish.

Sir, we salute you.

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