Britain is full of museums and tourist attractions with terrible mannequins and here are some of the best

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Dead-eyed Nigel Farage wants to eat your brains

Ever since our very important review of Bodmin Jail went a bit viral, people have assumed that I am now some sort of expert on terrible mannequins at tourist attractions.

This being the case, I have decided that I will take up the mantle and be Britain’s leading expert on terrible mannequins at tourist attractions.

Step this way, then, into the Chamber of Horrors (incorporating the Gift Shop of Screaming Kiddiewinks):

NEW ENTRY: Carmichael waxworks

“Help us Obi Wan Kenobi, you’re our only hope!” – Princess Leia’s secret double life as a milkmaid is revealed at last.

Spotted by Matthew

NEW ENTRY (INTERNATIONAL EDITION): Cité du Train in Mulhouse, France

Adolf Hitler in drag there, trying to make his escape from the Allied advance.

Spotted by Mark

Newbury Town Museum

The English Civil War liked Newbury so much, they came and visited twice. From the look of things, some of them never left.

Spotter: Debbie

Topsham Museum, Devon

Topsham boasts a well one and – dare we say it – rather beautiful local museum that’s free to enter and does a nice cream tea.

But it also has this horrific mannequin of a man in a boat with sweet potatoes for hands.

Bodmin Jail, Cornwall

So much to choose from as our original review of Cornwall’s finest tourist attraction shows. But pride of place must go to the terrifying Beast of Bodmin and its Coke-drinking, Fruit-and-Nut-scoffing victim.

The prison is set for a massive overhaul and the survival of this classic is not guaranteed, so go see them before they’re gone.

Shipwreck Centre, Charlestown, Cornwall

Not much to see here in the way of dreadful mannequins, but keep ’em peeled for a dead-eyed Nigel Farage about halfway round.

He will haunt your dreams.

Fisherman’s Heritage Centre, Sheringham, Norfolk

In which Doctor Who and the Terror of the Autons becomes a reality.

Our spotter Kenn confirms that these mannequins were sufficient to scare kiddiewinks.

International selection: Somewhere in Helsinki

Spotter Beck tells us: I saw these terrifying mannequins in Helsinki about 10 years ago but I was too drunk to remember why they were there.

Fair excuse. The top one looks suspiciously like Ian Botham.

The holiday season is still young. Please send your contributions, along with their location and kiddiewink scaring ability to us at scaryduck at fastmail dot fm.

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