It’s June, and we don’t update this site enough. So here we are with the best of recent posts.

Edinburgh Evening News: New volleyball court at school is ruining quality of life

Fingers in ears. A classic of the genre. We just dislike volleyball on grounds of taste.

Epsom Guardian: Mum VOWS NEVER TO RETURN after finding fingernail in her McDonald’s meal

Vowing never to return is a staple of compo facing, the art of going to your local paper in an attempt to shame a company into upgrading your compensation.

We doubt whether these vows actually last for long.

Wolverhampton Express and Star: Bloke buys four-man tent at a bargain price from a shady shopping website, is shocked – SHOCKED – to receive a doily and no money back

We checked out the shady internet tat market in question, and – to absolutely no surprise at all – it has vanished into the night, leaving only a warehouse with a crate in the corner marked “table decorations – for export only”.

And let that be a lesson to you all.

Dorset Echo: Something about BINS not being emptied

At any given moment in time, someone, somewhere is furiously playing pocket billiards and raging at the fact that the bins haven’t been emptied.

Your aim in life is not to be that person.

Manchester Evening News (and everywhere else, basically): Dad accused of fathering baby after Funky Pigeon dot com send wrongly addressed Fathers Day card to his house

And what we’re seeing here is a relationship running on fumes as his fragrant wife re-enacts how she smashed his laptop into smithereens after suspecting that her man was up to his philandering ways. Again.

How the long winter nights must fly by in that household.