There’s desperation and there’s desperation.

Then there’s this Aussie, who is so desperate to give up the smokes that she’s chained herself to the bed.

With actual chains and everything.

ABC News: Woman goes to extreme measures to give up smoking

And what – we ask – happens if the house burns down? She’ll be inhaling all the smoke she will ever need.

Tomorrow’s news headline: Woman saws off her own foot, hops to the shops to buy cigarettes.

And meanwhile, back in Bolton…

Bolton News: Kid with ten-a-day smoking habit not allowed to vape at school

I think this – despite everything his mum says – is called “kicking the arse out of it” or even “completely taking the piss”.

CHAIN YOURSELF UP, LAD.