Waitrose really should have learnt by now that putting bald men on the front cover of their Weekend magazine isn’t a smart move – remember what they did to Heston Blumenthal a while ago?

Anyway, they were obviously very excited about Masterchef presenter and all-round telly food genius Gregg Wallace coming on board. So excited in fact that they managed to create a fantastic example of modern art where the top of Gregg’s head is used multiple times to create an image of a large penis.

There are so many possible jokes. Perhaps the best one is ‘Cooking doesn’t get HARDER than this.’

It’s all a bit silly really when everyone knows that Gregg is a big fan of hats. Would it not have made more sense to photograph him in his trusty black flat cap that wouldn’t have led to a phallic newspaper dispenser?

The whole sorry business is pretty unfair actually when there are so many other celebrities from the world of TV food land who are more deserving of being portrayed as a giant penis.

We would name them here, but they would probably sue.

You can just imagine the horrified looks in Waitrose when this originally came out, can’t you.

One minute, you are excitedly moving towards the pile of free papers to find out the latest trends in gravity-free quinoa and milfy fashions, and the next you are horrified to be confronted by the giant cock (we’re not talking about the person stopping you putting your own cup under the coffee machine either).