Are you a vandal? Congratulations, you are a nobber and you make kiddiewinks sad.

You also make oldiewonks blow a gasket, making you – you absolute nobber – the number one cause of premature oldiewonk death after punch-ups at the bingo hall.

Take a look at this outrage.

Doncaster Free press: Mindless vandals upset the kiddiewinks at play school after they steal Meghan and Harry’s heads

You may care to note that all vandals are “mindless”, except when they’ve been particularly creative by – for example – drawing a big penis around a pothole.

We’re right on the borderline between mindless and art project in this case, as the “before” photograph proves.

Vandals doing the entire community a service, we think you’ll agree.

Meanwhile, the vandals are 100% mindless in Australia.

Great Southern Weekender: Some drongo has vandalised a sign erected by an octogenarian to commemorate the recently heritage listed spot where his long-gone relative Major Edmund Lockyer raised a flag to claim Frederickstown, later known as Albany, as part of the British Empire

Superb use of “some drongo” to open a news item, an indication you’re properly down under.

If only there was some place where we could transport the wrongdoers.

Shropshire Star: £500 reward offered to find [yup] the mindless fools who ripped up giant charity duck and threw it in the river

As drunken Saturday night hooning goes, this one’s pretty heavy duty, and probably took a whole gang of nobbers to rip off the plinth and bung in the River Severn.

Just look at the size of the duck.

Suggested punishment: Make a similar sized hollow iron duck, and heat it over a fire with the vandals trapped inside. Quite the popular punishment in ancient Greece.

Hull Daily Mail: Cock Pass Babtridge graffiti appears in Hull

Okay, this one is quite good actually if you know your Alan Partridge.

“Is she new?”

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