If it’s not nailed down, some sod will come along and nick it.

And that includes zebra crossings, and we swear this isn’t fakey news.

Shropshire Star: Thieves make off with the black bits of a zebra crossing

You’ll notice there doesn’t appear to be much call for white zebra crossings in the criminal community.

So, if somebody comes up to you in a pub and offers you a cheap zebra crossing, the number to call is 999.

Guernsey Press: Thieves steal letters from community centre sign to make it spell swears

And I can reveal that the swear was not inadjacent to See You Next Tuesday.

That number again: 999.