The APILN Daily: Wanna feel old? This is what the Knights Who Say Ni look like today


Today’s local newspaper fury all one one handy page for you to cut out and keep.

Please click through to help support local journalism.

Teesside Live: Kirsty Lee of Billingham claims she had a vortex in her son’s bedroom which was used by an evil spirit known as ‘The Fat Controller’

FACT: In the southern hemisphere, spectral vortices go anti-clockwise

Peterborough Today: Anger over huge pile-up of rubbish on Peterborough street

A classic combination of BINS and Done a Poo.

Aberdeen Press and Journal: Petrol station granted 24-hour food licence despite locals’ fears of rioting

At last, somebody is addressing the link between 24-hour food for sale in garages and [checks notes] rioting in the north-east of Scotland

Somerset Live: Punter left FUMMIN after pub staff smash up his glasses

“I hate this compensation culture we live in,” says man claiming £2,000 in compensation.

Brighton Argus: Councillors want action over dangerous shrub

Wanna feel old? This is what the Knights Who Say Ni look like today.

Grantham Journal: Grantham residents take a stand to stop speeding through their neighbourhood

You will note that there is no hi-vis for the oldiewonks, who are clearly expendable.

And here are the best of today’s weird headlines:

BBC News: Man fined after seal-touching row in Shetland

Seal touchers, the new menace to society.

Energy FM: Ladder stolen

Police are taking steps. Thank you, I’m here all week, tip your waitress.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here