‘That’s not how time works, you plum’ – The APILN Daily 8 November

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Underwater planes! The return of acid house! The inevitable outcome of the collision between beavers and crystal meth! It’s a bumper round-up from Angry People in Local Newspapers.

Please click through to the stories to help support local journalism.

Newcastle Chronicle: Wearing the right shoes to school? Home you go anyway because we don’t know what we’re doing

We’ve finally reached the point in school uniforms when even the school doesn’t know what the uniform is.


Oxford Mail: Man says council officials ‘dismantled’ his bonfire just hours before village event was due to start

Actual story: Council offices respond to concerns that public bonfire may contain unsafe articles, bonfire goes ahead as planned.


North Wales Daily Post: Residents oppose new chimney designed to tackle smell from pet food factory

Aside from the welcome comeback of the Acid House movement, NO TO CHIMNEY’S.


Grimsby Telegraph: Rats ‘running up and down’ after bins go unemptied for three weeks

So there you have it, final proof that if you don’t empty the bins for three weeks, the neighbourhood turns into a stinking rubbish dump. I hope there is a scientific journal which can publish these findings.


Daily Record: Dad spots ‘underwater aircraft’ on Google Earth and is ‘baffled’ by the mystery

My eyes have rolled so far back in my head that I’ve seen my own brain.


Guernsey Press: Loose drain covers rips off car’s exhaust

Oh, that loose drain cover.


Plymouth Herald: FURY as Wetherspoons pub manager makes poppy seller stand out in the rain

Not a good look, Wetherspoons. Not a good look at all.


WEIRD NEWS ROUND-UP

Get Surrey: Road marking tell drivers to KEEP CLEEAR of school gates

You had one job.

BBC News: Dutchman, 69, brings lawsuit to lower his age by 20 years

That’s not how time works, you plum.

KXLY: Police arrest man for sexually assaulting a beaver

Ah, random mammals and crystal meth, together at last.

The Bolton News: Patient flees hospital in stolen dumper truck

Let he who hasn’t broken out of hospital in a stolen dumper truck cast the first stone.

Isle of Wight County Press: It’s a crisp shaped like the Isle of Wight

I’ve seen crisps before, but this looks important.


 

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