Local newspapers have – in most case – 32 pages to fill, and rarely 32 pages worth of news.
That’s why some stories rarely cross the threshold of what you might actually call news.
But dull news shifts papers, because people are, essentially, dull.
Yeah, I did an A-Level in chemistry. Helium would have escaped through the gaps in the plastic molecules by now. What’s probably in there is a substance known as “air”.
Take it away, Keanu.
And who can forget the time there was a cloud that looked like a chicken over Lincolnshire?
Lincolnshire Echo: Cloud that looks like a chicken
Fortunately, local police burned an elderly spinster as a witch, and the cloud went away before it could peck anything.
Then, of course, there’s local business news, which even local businesses don’t read:
His certificate came in a clip frame from Office World*.
*This may actually be a lie.