My year at school was described as “the worst behaved we’ve ever had”, and that’s a badge of pride the class of 1982 wears with pride.

But alas, it appears that we have been trumped by the class of 2017 at one of Australia’s most prestigious schools.

We only had daily fire alarms, someone who scribbled badly-drawn cocks everywhere, and a sex den* up the school field.

MacRobertson Girls High School in Melbourne has a phantom crapper. And now she’s leaving notes.

Lismore Echo: Phantom crapper holds school to ransom over poor teaching performance

While our school’s Phantom Cock provoked rolling eyes from teachers and hilarity in the ranks of 13-year-old boys, imagine the terror that Australia’s Phantom Crapper is bringing.

And inquiring minds need to know: Does she crap on the spot, or does she bring it in? Both of these dirty protest techniques require a modicum of skill, so you can’t but help being impressed.

If the school wants to stamp down on its turd-shaming recidivist, it might need to send in these poo-spotting experts from Ipswich:

Ipswich Star: Man dresses up in camouflage suit to take pictures of your dog having a crap and report you to the police

And also [inset] a picture of Hugh Grant because it turns out he’s OK about people dressing up in a camouflage suit to take pictures of your dog having a crap and reporting you to the police.

You may also wish to view the BBC report, which has some video, and the revelation that [DOING IT FOR THE KIDDIEWINKS KLAXON] he’s doing it for the kiddiewinks.

*Might not have been an actual sex den