It’s a given that any story featuring an angry person holding their nose is a shoe-in to be featured on this site.

And here is a man from Sittingbourne in Kent who is a) holding his nose and b) looking at the camera in a slightly self-conscious manner because he feels a little bit of an idiot having come forward to be photographed for the local paper.

Too late, guy. Too late.

Kent Messenger: Mystery smell in Sittingbourne turns out to be leftover stench from a local paper mill that’s being redeveloped into homes

And the good news is that they’ve reburied whatever it was they found, and there is no way that the new residents are ever going to know.

Unless, of course, by “old paper mill”, they actually mean “cursed Indian burial ground”, then their lives are as good as over.

And no feature on people holding their nose in local newspapers would be complete without this acknowledged classic of the genre:

Metro: Never mind the story, SHE’S GOT A CLOTHES PEG ON HER NOSE

A clothes peg on her nose and a plastic bag full of dead flies. This is what we on APILN call paydirt.

SHE’S GOT A CLOTHES PEG ON HER NOSE.

Not to mention this lesser classic from a fed-up mum and her smelly front garden:

Crawley Observer: “I’b holbing by dose becob de sewer sbells of sbit”

Translation: “I’m holding my nose because the sewer smells of sbit”

And this gent breaking all the rules:

East Anglia Daily Times: Pet food factory still smells horrible despite switch to Soylent Green

Fine gurning, but loses marks for lack of nose-holding. But you still know it smells worse than a tramp’s groin.

Tramp groins are terrible. And if you don’t believe us, go and find a tramp, slip them a fiver and take a smell for yourself.