“Do you want ants? Because this is how we get ants” says Sterling Archer, the world’s greatest animated secret agent.

And it’s the same in Britain these days, only with maggots, because – somehow – people have forgotten how to use their bins and are looking for someone to blame for the ensuing stench and wriggly things.

Swindon Advertiser: Woman’s bin not emptied for a week, and now she’s got flies and maggots

I’m an expert on this sort of thing (really), and a general rule of thumb is this: If you find a dead rat next to your bin, putting it in your bin will only result in an explosion of flies and maggots and a stench of death.

That will be because of the dead rat in your bin.

No, you’re welcome.

Southern Daily Echo: Change to two weekly bin collections blamed for maggot invasion around Southampton

Nope, it’s because you don’t put rotting food into bins in the middle of summer and expect it not to smell and become a breeding ground for flies, you numpties.

You wrap your food in old newspaper (perhaps, for example, pages from of the Southern Daily Echo) and the flies will leave well alone.

It’s not rocket science, because rocket scientists already know how to get rid of their old food waste, but blasting it into the heart of the sun.

Edinburgh News: Stay away from my bins, you kids! Unless you’re coming round to empty them, in which case do that

When you’re having your picture taken for the local paper, so you put your best vest on. And also don’t overfill your bins.

Because that’s how you get ants.