Mum buys cursed doll for her child that says ‘You bitch’

It’s pretty much a minimum requirement that toys for the kiddiewinks shouldn’t say things like “You bitch” and other top quality swears.

Talking dolls should say “Mama”, “Papa”, and “I’ve pooed my nappy”.

“You bitch” is way out.

Birmingham Mail: Mum buys cursed speaking doll for her kiddiewink from Argos, is shocked that it is full of swears

According to the Mail, her experience with Little Baby Satan has been less than satisfactory:

“When we took the doll out of the box and started playing with it, I couldn’t believe what we heard.

“She’s supposed to say “Mama” and “Papa” but instead she seems to be saying “you bitch”.

“Now my two year old is copying her and trying to say “bitch” herself.

“I’m shocked, especially as it’s very clear what the doll is saying.”

And now, thanks to the magic of THE INTERNETS, you can judge for yourself.

Yeah, that’s pretty much “You bitch”, isn’t it?

But that’s what you get when you buy a cursed talking doll from Argos in the run-up to Hallowe’en.

My advice to you is to ram a stake through its dark, dark heart and bury it face-down on consecrated ground. Cursed devil dolls hate that.

And while we’re here, I too have had a run-in with a cursed devil doll (non-speaking) while on holiday in Greece.

Flashback to the Guangdong Lucky Toy and Rocket Fuel Concern, eight years ago. The production line is at a halt and a panicked supervisor explains all to the boss…

“We’ve got a shitload of dolls’ bodies but no heads, boss. Damn head supplier’s let us down again.”

“What else have we got?”

“There’s 20,000 assorted dogs’ heads but I don’t think …”

“Do it”

“But the kiddiewinks – they’ll have nightmares. It’s like something from The Island of Doctor Moreau. We can ‘t possibly…”

“JUST DO IT!”

“Don’t come running to me when somebody takes the piss out of them on the internet.”

“DO. IT.”