If you find something in your food that shouldn’t be there make sure you follow this one simple rule:

Go to the papers before going back to the shop. That way you get more compo, and a lifetime supply of the very thing that tried to kill you.

It’s a win-win, if you get the live that long.

Prince Edward Island Guardian: Man finds piece of string in his tinned tomatoes

It was “15 inches and very thick,” he said. But let’s get back to the string, shall we?

For those of you who don’t know, Prince Edward Island is Canada’s version of the Isle of Man. Everybody knows where it is, but nobody in their right mind would want to go there. (Except for our spotter Richard, who is bravely living there to benefit this page)

Glasgow Evening Times: Woman finds a wasp in her McDonald’s cola

That’s not a cup, it’s a bucket.

Daily Record: Woman finds a bat in her Rice Krispies

In other news, free gifts in cereal packets are getting really edgy these days.

Free inside! Endangered wildlife! Collect them all!