You know how life goes – one thing leads to another, you end up having sexy times with a lady (or a man) and the next thing you know, you’ve got a kiddiewink to deal with.

And kiddiewinks are complicated machines that need food and clothes and entertainment and money, and sometimes they go wrong.

And, in my humble opinion, the vet is absolutely the best place to take them.

Manchester Evening News: Mum slightly miffed after being told to take daughter to the vet to remove a tick

The vet IS the right place, because they’ve got a special tool to take out ticks, so stop your whinging. Also good for the job: A KFC spork.

Other good places to take kiddiewinks where they could conceivably come to harm: A play park.

Plymouth Herald: This playground dragon could take a kiddiewink’s eye out

Good, it’ll teach them to stay away from dragons. And that’s got to be a good thing when the fiery bastards emerge from the volcanoes.

Other good places to take kiddiewinks where they could conceivably come to harm: Your own garden

Mid Sussex Times: Why oh why oh why won’t anybody (but not me) repair our broken fence where this kiddiewink (pictured) might come to harm?

This is the one great mystery of our times. Who out there is valiant enough to repair this woman’s fence (but not her) before her kiddiewink comes to harm?

If you know of such a person, write their name of a piece of paper, then throw it in the bin.