Why oh why oh why oh why would anybody steal a cart full of delicious cold ice cream right in the middle of the hottest summer for years?

It’s mysteries like this which have flummoxed the greatest detectives of our age, from Jack the Ripper to Sherlock Holmes’s great unsolved Puzzle of the Corn-laden Turd.

But still, superb thumbs-down work.

Eastern Daily Press: Ronaldo’s ice cream business owner offers ice cream reward for the return of one of his carts

You know, with the barrow being worth somewhere in the region of £12,000, I’d expect something rather more than ice cream for my detecting experience.

I’d demand a flake as well. And sprinkles.

So, if somebody comes up to you in a pub and offers you a nearly-new ice cream cart loaded with seven different flavours of ice cream, that number again: 999.

And still the ice cream crime wave rages on:

Huddersfield Daily Examiner: Music critics steal ice cream van’s chimes

This chap loses sympathy immediately for the use of MS Comic Sans, the Font of Champions.

He could have the overture from The Marriage of Figaro playing, but the Comic Sans means he had it coming.