And still they come.

Kids have had all summer to make sure that their school uniforms are 100% spot on; while parents have had to sell kidneys so that they can afford the official school trousers from the school trouser cartel that can only be bought through the currency of human kidney.

And meanwhile, head teachers have spent the summer making up arbitrary new school uniform rules so everybody knows who’s the King of the Jungle. And guess who’s winning?

Gloucestershire Live: Kids put into isolation for not wearing trousers bought from the School Trousers Cartel

The picture above is a still grabbed from a video which appears to be a Chinese Communist Party-style confession of wrong-doing. to warn others against committing similar crimes.

Brighton Argus: Parents furious as school bans skirts and makes everybody wear trousers

Why not take a leaf out of the John Lewis book and go for a nice gender neutral dinosaur design? Everybody likes dinosaurs.

Chronicle Live: Over 100 pupils put into isolation for wearing “inappropriate” school uniform in the first week of term

How – we ask – do they keep so many kids in isolation? One can only conclude that the money from the school trouser cartel is spent on a new punishment wing, crammed with solitary confinement cells.

True, that’s the future a fair number of kiddiewinks have coming for them, but it’s still a bit harsh at their age. Especially if your kid is already six feet tall, and the longest skirt you have is already too short for the uniform police.

Please note, kids, that this is not official school uniform.

Not only that, it will get your head flushed down the toilets.

Sunderland Echo: Pupils forced to line up in the rain for first-day trouser inspection

Readers have responded to this story, saying the school is worse than North Korea. And they are correct. As long as you have the same trousers as the Supreme Leader, then you’ll go far.

And not strictly uniform but…

News Shopper: Girl gets detention on first day for not having a calculator

I’ll tell you where the calculator was. Her parents were using it to work out how much the school uniform cost.

In case you missed it, here’s HOME YOU GO, part 1.