Remember that time newly-knighted Sir Billy Connolly shaved off his beard and ran amok with a hammer?

Neither do we, but here he is, bold as brass, waving his big tool around the streets of New Zealand over a lost mobile phone.

You tell ’em, Sir Big Yin.

Stuuf.nz: Grandfather finds out one week too late that police destroy handed-in mobile phones after one month

Which leads to the inevitable question:

How do police deal with lost property hammers if they’re not claimed in time? Are they beaten to death with mobile phones?

We asked at the local station, and received the following reply: “Go away.”

And while we’re wasting your time:

Birmingham Mail: Misery at phone mast at the end of the garden

We haven’t had an “anger over perfect mobile phone reception” story for ages, so fill your boots with this.