Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat, and angries are going to the papers because their landlord is a twat.
There’s nothing quite like the festive season to bring out the very worst in people, so we present this year’s best CHRISTMAS IS RUINED stories so far.
With a death star that could melt steel beams, the pair express their bafflement at how something made of wood and paint could be a fire risk.
“The only possible way it could be a fire hazard is if someone set it on fire.”
And there you have it. Don’t play with matches kids.
John O’Groat’s Journal and Caithness Courier: Christmas RUINED after mysterious fire destroys Santa’s grotto
And the very worst of it is seeing Santa’s elves here put out of work just before the big day.
Won’t anybody think of the elves?
The great unspoken truth of school concerts. Unless you are the New York School of the Performing Arts, all school concerts are rubbish. It’s just not the done thing to tell the kiddiewinks, because they tell their parents, and their parents descend on the school in a torch-wielding hate mob.
“After the first concert in the local church hall, the head teacher told them they had done brilliantly in front of the parents,” he claimed.
“But my son said afterwards they were told that they were absolutely rubbish and if they didn’t behave better they would be given bread and water at the Christmas party.”
Christmas, as you can see, completely RUINED.
To be honest, this one is completely out of order because you don’t crush kiddiewinks’ dreams with something that’s completely out of their control.
“My little girl is saying she wants to move school. They think they’ve been naughty.”
Humbug, we say. HUMBUG.
And it wouldn’t be Christmas without one of these stories:
What you’re looking at here is Santa’s Grotto.
Santa’s been a bit busy this year, what with Donald Trump ruining Christmas, and he hasn’t had time to get his shit together.
There. It’s official. Christmas is RUINED for everybody, all because of that orange idiot.
And now it’s our turn to RUIN Christmas
National Geographic: Santa’s dead, kiddiewinks, D E A D
It’s your parents and/or an old bloke with a cotton wool beard.